How to follow my new blog

Please make your way over to my new blog and follow it, if you like.

I had a question the other day asking me how to do this so I will give you an explanation if you use Blogger or if you use Wordpress. Beyond that, you will have to figure it out :P

BLOGGER USERS:

On your dashboard in blogger, right underneath your list of blogs you follow you will see 2 buttons. One says ADD and the other says MANAGE.
You are going to click on ADD.

Once you have clicked on ADD a screen with come up asking for the address of the blog you would like to follow.  This is where you will type in http://deesscenicroute.worpress.com

Badda Bing Badda Boom

WORDPRESS USERS:

Visit http://deesscenicroute.wordpress.com and you will click on subscribe in the top left/middle corner of the screen. 

Packing up and moving out.

That's right, readers. I am leaving.

TTC and Other Random Musings has moved to Wordpress. Not only do I have a new home over there but I also have a new name.

Please join me at Taking the Scenic Route.

For those who want to cut and paste into their reader or following section: http://deesscenicroute.wordpress.com/

I hope to see you over there.
xoxo

Feeling drunk and guilty, D's bitterness and more

I have been meaning to write this post for a few days but time has eluded me. So here it is.

I got drunk on Saturday. The wedding offered an open bar and I took advantage. My plan was to be starting the FET soon after so I was not going to drink. But the FET got postponed and I still had my period (the last very very light day) so I drank. And I got drunk. And I felt guilty afterwards. I have no need to feel guilty, I am not in treatment yet and I am about a month away from it so it is perfectly fine. I wasn't falling down drunk or anything, but I was feeling tipsy and in no pain. Hopefully it was the last HOORAH for a while.

D showed his first signs of bitterness this past weekend. D is patient, kind, loving and has been absolutely amazing throughout this who IF ordeal. I have a distant cousin who is young and immature. She recently had an OOPS baby. She smoked through her pregnancy and I am always giving her the side eye. Well she and her bf were at the wedding. He bf is apparently 19 or 20 but he honestly looks about 15 years old and I am not exagerating. Well once D found out that he was the baby daddy, he was giving him the bitter glare all night. And then at one point he said "HE LOOKS 13 AND HE IS A DAD??? UGH DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED"
It broke myheart quite a bit but also made me feel like less of a monster when I feel those bitter and jealous feelings towards other people.

Father's day was hard. But thankfully we spent the day travelling back home, just the 2 of us. I envisioned next year's Father's day and hoped that next year we (meaning me and BABY) will be making a nice breakfast for D. I have these dreams every year on key holidays and important days and then the next year rolls around and I have to hope once again for the next year. (Mother's day 2009 will be different...Easter 2010 we will have a little bunny of our own....Maybe I will be pregnant for the family reunion in 2011....Father's Day 2012 will be a great day)

Also, I start to pee on OPKs tomorrow for the 2nd mock cycle. Think good cycle thoughts for me.

40 Followers

It's official. I have 40 followers.

At one point in time 40 different people cared what I had to say. I am quite certain that 40 people don't read my blog all the time. I am quite certain that my early followers have probably given up on me by now. But that's OK. I feel special to have 40 followers.

So HEYYYYYYY to all my 40 followers.

A beautiful wedding

This weekend my cousin got married. Everything was beautiful and we all had a blast!!

She and her new husband are an amazing couple. they compliment each other so well and they are clearly very much in love.

I love weddings!!

D & I waiting for the limo to bring us to the venue. 

My dad and his 3 daughters. (my mom was not able to make it to the wedding)

The female cousins.  

The happy couple

Another one of D & I

Feeling better

As I knew would happen, my intial disappointment has dissipated. It is not completely gone, I still hate my body and cannot understand why there is always something. But I am hopeful and confident in the next mock cycle.

I know that it is better this way and I would rather have to do this mock over one more time and to postpone the FET one more month than to ever have to experience a loss again or even a failed cycle. If this is what needs to be done to make sure that my body is good and ready to carry a healthy pregnancy then bring it on. I will take all of this heartache, all of this pain if it's going to give us a better chance at expanding our family.

So, I am still disappointed and I am still upset but I am being a little more logical and coming to terms with the fact that it's what needs to be done. Dr.L is a smart and compassionate guy and I trust his decisions.

Also, I am going to ask for my progesterone to be drawn on day 7,8 and 9 after my LH surge. Normally they do it on Day 7 but it can be drawn anywhere from Day 7-9. And because my level was so close on Day 7 and then dropped on Day 9, I am going to request a draw each day for comparison.



We will get there.

FET postponed

I am so upset right now. Why does my body hate me so much?

My progesterone came back at 29 and they would like to see it over 30 so I was told to get it redrawn 2 days later. I did. The result came back at 10.
One more thing that my body can't do right. So Dr. L decided to postpone the FET and do another mock cycle.

In the grand scheme of things, this is for the best. We want to be 100% sure that everything is OK before moving forward with this but it's just another slap in the face. Another bump in the road and other other cliche you can think of. But mainly it fucking sucks.

It's just nature and I have nothing and no one to blame it on so I am blaming it on myself. On my body. This body that can't do anything right. I feel like such a failure as a woman and a wife. All of this for 1 stupid number. I will feel better and look at this from the positive angle soon but right now I am upset and I can't hold back the tears any longer. I just want to go to bed and pretend like today never happened.

Wake me up when the road gets smoother please?