I have been planning this trip. It would have fallen perfectly around a no AF time but sometime in January or February I had a longer than usual cycle. That's fine, we figure it out.
So I planned this trip knowing that I would have AF but that I would be in the home stretch and only dealing with lighter days and no more cramps or bloating.
Well my bitch of a body got wind of this plan and decided to be a bitch. AF should have been here Monday/Tuesday. It is now Wednesday at 6:15pm and nothing. Every symptom is here hinting that the bitch is on the way but no red sign of her yet.
So I will go to Mexico with cramps, bloating and heavy bleeding. Just once you would think she would co-operate. JUST ONCE!!!!! But nope. Dee wants a break from life and needs this post IVF/pre FET holiday with her husband to relax and unwind and get away from everything? Let's shit all over that idea!!!
D is sweet. He said "Well you will have your period in Mexico...it's OK, just think that you will be in Mexico, so in the bigger scheme of things, it's OK"
He is right, but I would have liked to been cramp and bloat free. So here's hoping she shows up soon and tomorrow I can suffer with the cramps and bloating and then Friday's plane ride can be uncomfortable. Whatever. It is what it is. I really should know better than to think my body would cooperate for once.
**Yes, for a very brief moment the thought that I might be pregnant crossed my mind. I know better than that but yes, it did briefly cross my mind. Could you imagine? TTC for years, finding out that we have a 7% chance of conceiving spontaneously, going through IVF, having another m/c, wasting all of that money, having a meltdown and then getting pregnant on the first time having sex in months??? We all know that those miracles don't happen to me.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
3 jobs
Last week I had only one job. By Thursday of this week I had 3.
I am currently working full time in the Diagnostic Imaging department at my local hospital as the reception clerk. I started out in the hospital in the Lab taking blood which I loved. My reason for leave was that I did not get enough hours. I have regretted leaving every since and have wanted to get back to it.
So an opportunity became available for me to be able to do some weekends in the Lab so I jumped at the chance. HORRAY I am back! (and might I add, I still go it....I had a refresher course today and I did about half the patients and didn't miss one of them-Go Dee!)
Then the next day I get an email from my boss at the radio station saying they will be short staffed starting immediately and would like me to come back and be an extra voice for them. So I agreed to go in one day a week to do some recording for him to help him out.
I better really enjoy my trip to Mexico because once I get back, things are going to get hectic!
I am currently working full time in the Diagnostic Imaging department at my local hospital as the reception clerk. I started out in the hospital in the Lab taking blood which I loved. My reason for leave was that I did not get enough hours. I have regretted leaving every since and have wanted to get back to it.
So an opportunity became available for me to be able to do some weekends in the Lab so I jumped at the chance. HORRAY I am back! (and might I add, I still go it....I had a refresher course today and I did about half the patients and didn't miss one of them-Go Dee!)
Then the next day I get an email from my boss at the radio station saying they will be short staffed starting immediately and would like me to come back and be an extra voice for them. So I agreed to go in one day a week to do some recording for him to help him out.
I better really enjoy my trip to Mexico because once I get back, things are going to get hectic!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Round 2 on the roller coaster
We saw Dr. L today. We now have a plan for our FET (frozen embryo transfer). I got all of the information that I was needing and we are going forward as planned.
So we will do a natural cycle, natural just means without meds. We can do this because I have a regular 28-30 day cycle and I ovulate perfectly fine on my own (one might think that would make it easy for you to get pregnant...apparently there are other factors at play-whodathunkit?)
First comes my "mock cycle." How this will work is when I get my period in May I will call the clinic with my Day 1. They will send requisitions for me to get blood work and ultrasounds to monitor and find out when I ovulate. Once that is determined we wait until the next period to come in June. Then I call the clinic and I head back down to the city where they are for about a week. During that time I get daily blood work until they see a LH surge. Once that happens, they count 5 days, thaw the embryos and transfer.
We all remember that during my IVF cycle, we decided to only transfer 1 embryo. A choice we did not come to quickly or lightly, but a choice we came to together and after advice and research and many questions. For the past couple of weeks I have been considering the idea of transferring 2 embryos in the FET.
At today's appointment the RE said he recommends that we transfer 2 embryos. I was surprised because from the get go everyone at the clinic is very pro "only transfer 1" but since it was his recommendation, we will consider it more strongly and will most likely go with this option, if the embryos survive the thawing.
We have 4 frozen ones left. The first is a better quality than Petey (the embryo we transferred at the IVF cycle) the reason that happened is that the day of the transfer, the 2nd best one developed more and became better quality before it was frozen. The 2nd embryo is the same quality as Petey and the other 2 are a little lower quality but still good.
So we are getting on the roller coaster again. My frozen babies will have to be frozen just a little longer, then I promise to give (2 of) them a warm and cozy home for 9 months and a loving and warm life after that.
So we will do a natural cycle, natural just means without meds. We can do this because I have a regular 28-30 day cycle and I ovulate perfectly fine on my own (one might think that would make it easy for you to get pregnant...apparently there are other factors at play-whodathunkit?)
First comes my "mock cycle." How this will work is when I get my period in May I will call the clinic with my Day 1. They will send requisitions for me to get blood work and ultrasounds to monitor and find out when I ovulate. Once that is determined we wait until the next period to come in June. Then I call the clinic and I head back down to the city where they are for about a week. During that time I get daily blood work until they see a LH surge. Once that happens, they count 5 days, thaw the embryos and transfer.
We all remember that during my IVF cycle, we decided to only transfer 1 embryo. A choice we did not come to quickly or lightly, but a choice we came to together and after advice and research and many questions. For the past couple of weeks I have been considering the idea of transferring 2 embryos in the FET.
At today's appointment the RE said he recommends that we transfer 2 embryos. I was surprised because from the get go everyone at the clinic is very pro "only transfer 1" but since it was his recommendation, we will consider it more strongly and will most likely go with this option, if the embryos survive the thawing.
We have 4 frozen ones left. The first is a better quality than Petey (the embryo we transferred at the IVF cycle) the reason that happened is that the day of the transfer, the 2nd best one developed more and became better quality before it was frozen. The 2nd embryo is the same quality as Petey and the other 2 are a little lower quality but still good.
So we are getting on the roller coaster again. My frozen babies will have to be frozen just a little longer, then I promise to give (2 of) them a warm and cozy home for 9 months and a loving and warm life after that.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Roxy the wonder dog
She is a wonder dog. She is a magician, a bundle of nerves, a daredevil, a cuddler, going blind.
My dog has separation anxiety. People laugh at her quirks and special needs because "she is a dog!!" but her anxiety is very real and her quirks make her that much more special (and annoying) but I know what each one of her mannerisms mean and I know what to do for her most of the time.
I got Roxy when she was 4 months old. Not a new puppy but not an old dog either. She has always been timid and at first, she was afraid of men. I am very certain she was abused before I got her.
So let's talk about her separation anxiety. Roxy does not like to be left behind and she takes whatever means necessary to escape. She has ripped through almost every screen in our house and jumped out of the corresponding window or door. She has made a 15 foot drop out of my In-Laws' bathroom window. She has jumped up on a chest freezer and ripped up the screen to the window behind it and leaped a good 10-12 feet to her freedom. When we leave we have to make sure that all windows are closed because if one is open even a crack, she will find it, open it, claw the screen and jump.
Roxy has been known to open the heavy patio door, locked or unlocked. She is also very well known to wrap her leash around anything and wiggle herself out of her collar and then she's off to explore the neighborhood. People will comment that her collar is too tight when they pet her but in reality it is not tight enough because she can still get out of it. You cannot fit a finger between her skin and the collar but she still manages to Houdini her way out of it.
The screens are replaceable, it's a royal pain in the ass to have to do them several times a summer but they are replaceable. The carpet she has decided to rip to shreds little by little will be a bit more costly and a new floor is just not in our budget right now.
The big problem is that we can't leave her with other people because she tears their house apart too and not only does it get expensive for us but it's embarrassing and you feel to blame. Leaving her in a kennel is absolutely out of the question, she wouldn't eat or drink in a strange place with people and other dogs she doesn't know. And she would have a constant whine on.
What I need is someone at my disposal to come over to our house and watch her while we are away. Then she is in her own house and more comfortable. We have tried every tip there is out there to help her with this, including medication. Nothing seems to work.
So what? She is going blind, has a terrible case of anxiety and separation anxiety and rips apart my house as she sees fit (it is not every time), she is always happy to see me when I get home, she escapes from her collar and explores the neighborhood loose, she is afraid of toys that squeak, she doesn't like to play, she is afraid of small animals, she rarely barks, she growls at small kids if they get in her space, she loves to play hide n seek, she loves to cuddle, she needs to be near you or touching you at all times, she doesn't beg for food and listens well, she is a bed hog, she loves to sleep in and be lazy.
She is my baby and I love her.
My dog has separation anxiety. People laugh at her quirks and special needs because "she is a dog!!" but her anxiety is very real and her quirks make her that much more special (and annoying) but I know what each one of her mannerisms mean and I know what to do for her most of the time.
I got Roxy when she was 4 months old. Not a new puppy but not an old dog either. She has always been timid and at first, she was afraid of men. I am very certain she was abused before I got her.
So let's talk about her separation anxiety. Roxy does not like to be left behind and she takes whatever means necessary to escape. She has ripped through almost every screen in our house and jumped out of the corresponding window or door. She has made a 15 foot drop out of my In-Laws' bathroom window. She has jumped up on a chest freezer and ripped up the screen to the window behind it and leaped a good 10-12 feet to her freedom. When we leave we have to make sure that all windows are closed because if one is open even a crack, she will find it, open it, claw the screen and jump.
Roxy has been known to open the heavy patio door, locked or unlocked. She is also very well known to wrap her leash around anything and wiggle herself out of her collar and then she's off to explore the neighborhood. People will comment that her collar is too tight when they pet her but in reality it is not tight enough because she can still get out of it. You cannot fit a finger between her skin and the collar but she still manages to Houdini her way out of it.
The screens are replaceable, it's a royal pain in the ass to have to do them several times a summer but they are replaceable. The carpet she has decided to rip to shreds little by little will be a bit more costly and a new floor is just not in our budget right now.
The big problem is that we can't leave her with other people because she tears their house apart too and not only does it get expensive for us but it's embarrassing and you feel to blame. Leaving her in a kennel is absolutely out of the question, she wouldn't eat or drink in a strange place with people and other dogs she doesn't know. And she would have a constant whine on.
What I need is someone at my disposal to come over to our house and watch her while we are away. Then she is in her own house and more comfortable. We have tried every tip there is out there to help her with this, including medication. Nothing seems to work.
So what? She is going blind, has a terrible case of anxiety and separation anxiety and rips apart my house as she sees fit (it is not every time), she is always happy to see me when I get home, she escapes from her collar and explores the neighborhood loose, she is afraid of toys that squeak, she doesn't like to play, she is afraid of small animals, she rarely barks, she growls at small kids if they get in her space, she loves to play hide n seek, she loves to cuddle, she needs to be near you or touching you at all times, she doesn't beg for food and listens well, she is a bed hog, she loves to sleep in and be lazy.
She is my baby and I love her.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Can you say Mexico?
I can!!! And soon I can say "I am in Mexico!!"
We finally booked our trip. After some ups and downs and watching the prices fluctuate every day we finally booked it. Now I am really starting to get excited.
We are going here:
Ohhh I can't wait!!!
I am in so much need and I deserve this vacation so much. DH and I both do. I plan to relax, explore, drink, swim, snorkel and enjoy the sun!
I can't wait to wear flip flops!!!!
We finally booked our trip. After some ups and downs and watching the prices fluctuate every day we finally booked it. Now I am really starting to get excited.
We are going here:
I am in so much need and I deserve this vacation so much. DH and I both do. I plan to relax, explore, drink, swim, snorkel and enjoy the sun!
I can't wait to wear flip flops!!!!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Stranger things have happened
Now to blog about my other pregnant friend. I mentioned before that both of my BFFs were pregnant. Of course there was the finger crossing and hoping for one of them who has been through 2 losses. (everything is fine)
Now, my other friend is experiencing some strangeness. Last week she spotted a little and Thursday the spotting was more significant. So she spoke to the OB who she works with and he sent her for a STAT ultrasound. At the ultrasound, the tech did not see a gestational sac. So she was sent for bloodwork. Well her level came back around 1500. Bizarre.
So her doctor wondered 2 possible scenarios. She ovulated much later than she assumed (since she was not TTC, she was not charting) and she was too early to see anything on the u/s OR it is ectopic. Though he expected her to be in much more pain if it were ectopic.
She returned today for bloodwork (result not ready yet) and an ultrasound. The tech thought she may have seen a spec of something but is not 100% sure.
Very strange. She is to come back on Friday for more bloodwork and another ultrasound.
Keeping my fingers crossed that she is just much earlier than she thought.
Update on me now? Ok. I see Dr. L on Thursday to discuss the FET procedure. EEEEEEEEEP
Now, my other friend is experiencing some strangeness. Last week she spotted a little and Thursday the spotting was more significant. So she spoke to the OB who she works with and he sent her for a STAT ultrasound. At the ultrasound, the tech did not see a gestational sac. So she was sent for bloodwork. Well her level came back around 1500. Bizarre.
So her doctor wondered 2 possible scenarios. She ovulated much later than she assumed (since she was not TTC, she was not charting) and she was too early to see anything on the u/s OR it is ectopic. Though he expected her to be in much more pain if it were ectopic.
She returned today for bloodwork (result not ready yet) and an ultrasound. The tech thought she may have seen a spec of something but is not 100% sure.
Very strange. She is to come back on Friday for more bloodwork and another ultrasound.
Keeping my fingers crossed that she is just much earlier than she thought.
Update on me now? Ok. I see Dr. L on Thursday to discuss the FET procedure. EEEEEEEEEP
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Good news!
I have been meaning to update. I want to thank you all for keeping my friend in your thoughts. She had an u/s done on Monday and all is well. Baby has a nice heartbeat. I am very relieved!!
Also, in other news, my other BFF is also pregnant. They are each due within a few weeks of each other. I am very happy for them. And rather than be hurt and jealous I have decided that I will always have a belly to rub and kicks to feel. (I know some people are not fans of the belly rubs but I am and these are my 2 best friends) and I will have new babies to cuddle and I will be an awesome auntie to them.
(of course my heart stings a little because I feel left behind but I choose to be happy for them instead of sad for me and maybe when they are big and round, I will be able to tell them one day that we did the FET and I am also pregnant)
Also, in other news, my other BFF is also pregnant. They are each due within a few weeks of each other. I am very happy for them. And rather than be hurt and jealous I have decided that I will always have a belly to rub and kicks to feel. (I know some people are not fans of the belly rubs but I am and these are my 2 best friends) and I will have new babies to cuddle and I will be an awesome auntie to them.
(of course my heart stings a little because I feel left behind but I choose to be happy for them instead of sad for me and maybe when they are big and round, I will be able to tell them one day that we did the FET and I am also pregnant)
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Life cannot be this cruel, can it?
My very close friend is pregnant.
She has suffered 2 losses in the exact same way. She gets to about 7 weeks and there is no heartbeat. The second time she saw a heartbeat and then it stopped a week or 2 later. The first time, she went for her ultrasound around 11-12 weeks and the baby had stopped developing around 7weeks.
So here she is pregnant again. Her betas are being monitored weekly. It went from 830 to 7474 and then to over 30,000. Things are looking AMAZING. She is having bouts of nausea, she is moody and hormonal. But the poor girl is stressed. She is worried that there is a black cloud of doom hanging over her and nobody can get her to stop it. I just need for her to get past the point where she got devastating news last time and then I hope she can calm down.
She has a feeling this weekend that it is over. She says she knows her body and that she just has that gut feeling. I choose to remain hopeful for her because she deserves this and will be an amazing mom. But you cannot convince her to stop worrying. And I don't blame her. She knows nothing but getting to this point and then getting that horrible news.
Monday she will see a doctor, get an ultrasound and I can only cross everything I have and hope with everything I have that she will see that flicker of a heartbeat on the screen and she will be able to breathe and enjoy this pregnancy and prepare for her future as a mom. Because life cannot be that cruel to rip away this gift from her again and again. It just cannot.
She has suffered 2 losses in the exact same way. She gets to about 7 weeks and there is no heartbeat. The second time she saw a heartbeat and then it stopped a week or 2 later. The first time, she went for her ultrasound around 11-12 weeks and the baby had stopped developing around 7weeks.
So here she is pregnant again. Her betas are being monitored weekly. It went from 830 to 7474 and then to over 30,000. Things are looking AMAZING. She is having bouts of nausea, she is moody and hormonal. But the poor girl is stressed. She is worried that there is a black cloud of doom hanging over her and nobody can get her to stop it. I just need for her to get past the point where she got devastating news last time and then I hope she can calm down.
She has a feeling this weekend that it is over. She says she knows her body and that she just has that gut feeling. I choose to remain hopeful for her because she deserves this and will be an amazing mom. But you cannot convince her to stop worrying. And I don't blame her. She knows nothing but getting to this point and then getting that horrible news.
Monday she will see a doctor, get an ultrasound and I can only cross everything I have and hope with everything I have that she will see that flicker of a heartbeat on the screen and she will be able to breathe and enjoy this pregnancy and prepare for her future as a mom. Because life cannot be that cruel to rip away this gift from her again and again. It just cannot.
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