A Giftless Christmas

That was the title to an email that I sent to all of the members on my side of the family. This year, because of our trip to Cuba we decided to have a giftless christmas and I have to say, it was really nice. We did some volunteer work and it felt really good to make it about something else other than gifts.

I was talking to the wife of one of DH's cousins over the weekend and she told me how on her side of the family they pick a charity and donate money rather than give gifts so I came up with a version of this idea and wrote this email to my family:


I don’t know about the rest of you but I was really really happy with our giftless Christmas this year. Even if we don’t do a trip every year I vote that we get out of doing gifts and instead I have a new idea and tradition that we can start. We can all split on the booze and food no matter where the festivities are being hosted and instead of gifts we each choose a charity to donate a sum of money to and then instead of opening gifts we each take turns telling the family about the charity we selected and why we chose it.

What does everyone think?? I would much rather just spend time with you guys and eat and play games.


I am a big fan of this idea.

So far my niece, brother in law and sister have all responded saying that they love this idea, so that makes me really happy and I hope that I have started a new tradition.

Remaining hopeful

While the negativity seems to be overtaking me I am trying to stay hopeful that I will get pregnant naturally. I was pondering just giving up but I want a baby and if my doctor says it is possible for me to get pregnant naturally then I will keep doing everythign I can to try that. If nothing else then I can say to him, listen this is NOT working, please intervene and help a sister out here?!?!

So, I am heading into a fertile window and am hoping that maybe 2010 will kick off with a BFP for me, of course if it doesn't I will continue my monthly ritual of crying and being heart broken on the day that my period shows up.

I see my doctor again at the beginning of February, here's hoping that I can say "I got a positive pregnancy test" instead of "I am still not pregnant and we would like to look at some other options to help us along"

Adios Christmas!

Christmas was nice this year and as you know, I am not a fan.
We spent Christmas eve at my in laws and had our Christmas with them, standard, nothing out of the ordinary, I got a hot stone massage gift certificate, a necklace and earrings and some pjs.

Then on Christmas day we went and did our volunteer work. We prepared and served a meal to people who are less fortunate or all alone at Christmas time. I did it as a kid with my pepere for years, I haven't been back since before he passed away and it was quite an emotional day. Then we returned to my parents and we all had dinner and played some games.

Yesterday (boxing day) we took my sister's kids sliding and had a lot of fun then it was time for my personal; favorite part of the Holidays, the World Junior hockey tournament. GO CANADA GO! they beat Latvia 15-0, wasn't much of a contest and the Canadian boys look awesome this year! I am anxious to see more of what the goalies have to offer though.

While I had a great time with my family, I am glad that Christmas is over!

The Holidays

I am not a big Christmas fan to begin with but I find that not being pregnant at this time of year is especially hard. Last year I was sure that we would have a baby or at least be pregnant by now. It is depressing and of course there are a ton of family get togethers where everyone will be asking when we are starting a family and it's like taking a bullet every time.

I hope that 2010 brings us some more luck in the baby department but I also thought that about 2009. It is very hard to stay positive.

The good news is that my sisters and brothers in law and nieces and nephews are arriving today for the holidays, I just left them at the airport on Sunday but I miss them already.

Happy Holidays to you and yours!

Holiday was amazing!!! But not for TTC

Cuba was absolutely breathtaking and amazing. The resort was beautiful and huge, the weather was fantastic and the wedding was amazing! My sister looked beautiful and was the calmest I have ever seen her in her whole life!

I have included some pictures below. We enjoyed the beach, the pool, the disco, the DRINKS and the food. It was spectacular and I was super bummed to have to come home.

I was hoping that the holiday would be a nice vacation from my brain and the whole TTC and infertility challenges but it was not. The exact moment that we landed in Cuba and were about to board teh bus to the resort my aunt comes up to me and says "I heard all about your problems and you and I are going to talk! (points to her son) That is a 1-tube baby" I told her I didn't want to talk about it and DH said we should get on the bus so I followed him.
I had a chat with my dad later to find out why and how she even knew about our struggles, he was very apologetic and told me that he didn't tell her but apparently my mom talked with my memere about it so I know who the culprit is. I hate that people know this, I like to keep that part of my life private.

Then my period was not supposed to show her ugly face until Friday at the earliest, she showed up on Tuesday! I was really hoping that the HSG would have helped open some things up and helped to assist me in getting pregnant, not so much!

To top it all off, one of the wedding guests is about 6-months pregnant and I had to look at her rubbing her belly all week, my heart broke a little bit each time.

So now I am trying to stay positive and I have decided that at my appointment in February I will be DEMANDING some medical intervention at the very least and hopefully get a referral to an RE.

Other than that the trip was EXCELLENT, I don't want to undermind the trip because it was really really fantastic but this is a TTC blog...

Here are some pictures:

 

Hope has turned into doubt

I am really struggling with staying positive about this whole TTC thing. Even though the HSG provided good news I just feel like if it hasn't happened yet it probably won't happen.
I feel a little mad at my doctor for wanting us to keep trying naturally, obviously that isn't working.

DH and I have both been sick so the sex timing around ovulation was probably not perfect but at this point I have practically given up thinking that it still could have worked. Through all of the months of perfect timing, average timing, good timing.... still no pregnancy.

I am full steam ahead looking forward to my trip, we fly out Saturday!!!

HSG test was today

Well the experience itself was absolutely excruciating  but the results were positive.

I have one clear open tube for sure, the other one is most likely blocked because he couldn't get a clear view and will be waiting for the radiologist's report. But he said that DH's SA was great and all I really need is 1 tube so it will be harder for us but not impossible.

The procedure: I waited in the cold xray room for him for 30 minutes and I was panicking the whole time, when he got there and began the "5 minute procedure" he immediately had trouble getting the catheter in, because of my previous LEEP surgery and tilted uterus he was struggling. After poking and proding around for 20-25 minutes the sharp stabbing pain of the catheter invaded my body and then the insanely awful cramps from the dye. My legs were shaking the entire time because keeping them open for that long was painful, I almost asked his Resident to put her hands on my knees to ease some of that pain.

I should have taken something before the test but I didn't because I normally have a really high pain tolerance, I guess I underestimated the whole procedure.

Time to move forward, I am moving full steam ahead to our vacation in 11 days! Cuba, here I come!!