My friend with selective hearing

D & I have these friends. Let's call them Randy and Jennifer. They are very close friends. We spend a lot of time with them.

Randy has some serious hearing problems (and by serious I mean he never hears what you are saying and is the butt of a lot of our jokes because of it) Has he ever had a hearing test? I doubt it. Should he? ABSOLUTELY!

The funny thing is that you can be sitting beside him and he will not hear what you say but he can hear a phone ring from a mile away before anyone else does. It's mind boggling, really.

Here are 2 examples that come to mind that crack me up incredibly. One is from this weekend so I will start with that one (plus it is the less funny of the two examples)

So we are all sitting around watching the UFC fights this weekend. Someone tells us a story about an old friend of ours whose sister got so drunk the night before that she spent 3 hours in the bathroom at the bar and was found by a friend of her with her head in the sink.

So of course Randy says "What are you talking about?" and D says "Jane Doe was sick in the sink or something"

And Randy repeated "Jane Doe is in Cirque du Soleil????"

O.M.G. I laughed so hard. Those 2 sentences sound nothing like each other and plus Jane was never the athletic type so thinking that she was in Cirque was hilarious!

The next example makes me laugh instantly, even after all of these years.

A few years ago, D & I, Randy and Jennifer and other friends, let's call them Billy & Britney, went on a road trip to Buffalo for Billy's birthday and an NHL game. For the night we got a Suite at a hotel which had 1 King size bed and a small sofa bed. (not quite suitable for 6 people but we planned on partying lots and sleeping minimally)

So after a night of partying we got settled into our sleeping arrangements. Jennifer, Britney & myself in the King size bed with the bedroom door closed and D, Randy & Billy to fend for themselves in the living room area.

So D grabbed the 2 tiny cushions from the couch and made himself a little bed on the floor. Billy and Randy decided to share the tiny sofa bed which was somewhere between a twin and double bed. (very small for 2 big guys)

While laying in bed Billy let out the loudest fart ever. D heard it from across the room and started laughing, Randy though. Randy said "What did you say?" to which Billy replied "I fuckin' farted, man!"

Well of course the laughter errupted!! And I am giggling as I type this. How the hell someone who is laying right beside you (their arms and legs were probably even touching because this bed was so small) cannot hear a very distinct and loud fart is unbelievable.

::gigglesnort:: My friends are amusing.

My chart cannot be trusted

Because I had to switch BBTs at the worst of times. It gave me an O date of CD13 but I kind of think it should be CD 15.

But I am beyond caring anymore so I am just waiting for my period to arrive.

According to my chart, the bitch should arrive on Wednesday. The day of my appointment with the RE. We'll see.

In other news, I had a dream last night about the RE. We were at the office waiting (which doesn't make sense because we are seeing him via teleconference) and he came out to call us in and he was like Mr. Bottomtooth from Family Guy and I could barely understand a word he said.

Weird.


And in other more shocking news. It is Sunday and I am not hungover!! The shocking part is not that I don't have a hangover, the shocking part is that I shouldn't have a hangover. I only had about 3 drinks yesterday! I realized that I had been drinking every Saturday lately and while I had a great time and lots of funny stories to tell, I probably should ease up and maybe take the odd Saturday off ;)

I sent food back

I never send food back. It's stupid because I am overpaying for the food so I should be happy with it.

Last night D & I went out for dinner to a place that we go to often. I ordered a dish that I order often (there is never a lot of choice for non-meat eaters at restaurants) and when it came, it tasted like the cook accidentally dropped an entire box of salt in it and served it anyway.

I couldn't eat it.

I felt bad sending it back but it was gross.



Really?? This is what I am blogging about?? WTF?



4 days.  Yes, I said 4 days!

A new job

So I was offered a new job. The problem is that I would be switching unoins for this job and therefore all of my seniority would be out the window. Plus there would be no guarantee of how many shifts I would get. So I was iffy about it but what help to make my decision was that in teh new job there is much room for advancement and that is what sold me.

So once I am replaced here, I will be starting a new job.

I am hopeful that this will be the right choice in the long run.

Calls that I should not have to field

!!WARNING!! Sensitive topic below. If you are offended by talk of abortion then do not read any further or please prepare yourself.



Let me first start this off by saying that I am Pro-choice. I believe it is a woman's right to have an abortion if she chooses to do so. I do NOT believe that abortion should be used as a form of birth control.

I work in a hospital where abortions are preformed. This is a doctor's choice where I live. A surgeon can refuse to do them and a surgeon can choose to do them. The hospital where I work happens to be a hospital where there is a surgeon who does them.

I joke sometimes that one of these days I am going to go over the deep end and ask one of these 14 year old girls if I can have their baby.

The abortion days are usually only a couple of times a month and I rarely have to work on those days (Thank you Universe) but when I answer the phone and get "Hi, I need to book an abortion" my heart jumps into my throat for a brief second and I think WHY? Why do people who are not ready and who do not want this get pregnant easily? Why am I struggling?

Then I remind myself that their story is not my story and I am living my story and that is all that I can do.


Another thing? Abortions (unless they are done at a private clinic I believe) are covered by the provincial health care so yes, I do see many many cases where girls get multiple abortions and do use them as birth control. I have seen a girl who has had 6 and in between those 6 has given birth to 5 babies. That is 11 pregnancies.

So yes, I am pro-choice but that doesn't mean my heart doesn't break everytime I see someone who has to go through the horrible experience of ending their pregnancy when all I want to do is trade places with them.

One week from today

That's right, in 1 week I will have my first appointment with Dr. L, my RE.

Because I live about 7-8 hours away from the fertility clinic, we are doing the initial appointment through teleconference. This is a common thing where I live because I live in a somewhat remote area where there are virtually no specialists.

My appointment will look something like this (except I am not an old man with a white beard)

That is a promotional photo for the telemedicine program that I google image searched.

Remember how I was telling you that I was hoping to get Dr. L when I was referred to this clinic because he had the best reviews of the doctors there? Well I did.

Here are some samples of his reviews(I am not correcting the spelling (only taking out his full name) and trust me some of it is atrocious):

Dr L helped me to get pregnant after 5½ year of trying me and my boyfriend. I saw 3 doctor before him and no one of them made me do a test that helped me of getting pregnant after all. This Dr is very knowledgeable. I recommand it to everybody!! 

Dr. L is a caring person, sensitive to people's needs. Very good doctor. Patient and polite.I would say one of the best in that clinic. He is coming close to Dr. H. Bilingual or Trinlingual, he should be the director...lol

Dr L helped us through two treatments of IVF. He was very patient, understanding and always willing to take the time to answer our questions. He is also very smart and knowledgeable and took special care to find the right protocol that worked for us. He's a great choice for anyone dealing with infertility.  

Dr L is amazing. He was able to pinpoint exactly what needed to be done for me to get pregnant. He's soft spoken, very patient and very knowledgeable. The staff at the clinic is amazing and always return calls promptly. If you have trouble conceiving, Dr Leader is for you.   

I am a lady!

Today at the gym I realized that I was wearing pink shorts

I had a pink, white and brown shirt (no picture available), had my pink water bottle

I also had my pink iPod strapped to my arm

Wearing my pink shoes

Oh an my gym bag? There's pink on it too. (no picture again)

I made this observation to a friend who was working out with D. I said "I am such a chick" to which he replied "Yeah, but you fart and burp like a man and swear like a trucker.

What the fucking fuck is he trying to fucking say??? I am a lady!

Single digits

9 days.

The closer I get to my appointment with my RE, the more I think about it. I want to have all of my ducks in a row for the appointment. I have printed out several of my charts to show him that I have a somewhat regular cycle and that I do ovulate on my own.

I filled out the questionnaire they have on the website even though the receptionist or nurse (not sure who I spoke with but she did look at the chart and comment on D's SA results) told me it was not necessary.

I wish there was more I could do to be prepared but I am at a bit of a loss as I am not sure what to expect. I am nervous. I wish it didn't have to come to this but it does so I am trying to remain positive and get excited about what may come with all of this.

For some reason I have convinced myself that he is going to suggest an IUI and I am already thinking about where the money for this will come from and also what month we will do it. I need to get those things out of my head because if that is not what happens I am probably setting myself up for disappointment or shock or something, I am not sure.

9 days.

A wedding weekend

Yesterday my cousin got married. YAY!

She and her new husband have been together for a long time, they have 3 sons together and finally got married yesterday. She asked me to be emcee of the reception, I was honored.

The wedding went well. The new groom's family was rather obnoxious and loud during the speeches and what not but it wasn't too much.

The hardest part for me was when I had to mention my cousin who passed away. He was the bride's brother and they honored him by not replacing him in the wedding party. They had his picture placed on the table where he should have been sitting. I made it through but it was tough.

We had a great time and danced and laughed.



In other news, today is 10 days until I see the RE. 10 days. I have to just get through this week and next weekend and then it will be here before I know it. I can't believe it is coming so quickly. I am anxious and nervous and excited and scared.

10 days.

Family time

My sister is currently here visiting, tomorrow we are heading out of town for my cousin's wedding. Since D is working night shift tomorrow night, he will not be joining me until Saturday morning. So tomorrow around noon my sister and I will get in the van with my parents and head out of town.

I cannot remember how long it's been since I travelled any distance with just my parents and my sister, no spouses. It's going to feel like I am 14 years old again! Then my other sister will be meeting us there. Since D is not coming until the next day my 2 sisters are going to stay in my hotel room with me for tomorrow night! SISTERS SLEEPOVER!!!!!!!!!!! I am very excited.

I think I am going to bring my collection of nail polish and we can paint our fingers and toes. Maybe have a few drinks and just have sisters time. It will be mucho fun!

Pictures to come next week....

I am so touched

I follow The Bump Post Secret. It's a guilty pleasure, I don't get half of the posts but for some reason I follow it like crazy.

I have also posted a secret once. It was not one of the "anonymously attack someone" secrets. It was all about me.

There was once a secret posted about me because I inadvertently offended someone, I issued an apology on BOTB and also posted another secret apologizing to the person I offended.

But today, today was amazing.

Someone took the time to post this secret and it touched me deep in my heart.

Whoever posted that really warmed my heart and made my day. To even imagine that someone who I have only "met" online could care so deeply and hope so deeply for me to create that is just so wonderful.

There are no words, I teared up, I smiled and my heart smiled when I saw that.

Thank you to whoever wrote that, you really will never know how much it truly means to me.

And just like that

I don't feel as horrible as I did yesterday.

I officially hate being an emotional and sensitive girl. It blows.

I woke up today and spent most my shower trying to figure out what it is that I am lookng forward to today. i woke up with a sense like "today is the day"
But what day??? I am still not sure so I will go with my sister is arriving today for a visit.

Also, today is exactly 2 weeks until I see the RE. 2 weeks!! Yesterday I wanted to give up and today I have a nervous, excited pit in my stomach.

Here is the ride my emotions are on

So close yet so far

15 days.

In 15 days I will see the RE. In 15 days we will have a plan.

So why do I feel like I want to cancel the appointment and give up? Just continue on with my life the way it is.

I have become a wilted flower. I used to be a bubbly, bright person with tons of personality and a wide smile.

I am now emotionally battered and bruised. I feel like when I am happy and bubbly that I am wearing a mask because on the inside I am crying, I am always crying.

My emotions are a roller coaster, one with dips and dives and that makes your stomach feel like it is about to come out of your throat.

Today I want to throw my hands in the air, drop my limp body onto the floor and give up.

Tomorrow might be different but this is me today.

She is doing OK

Better than last time, still not great but doing OK. I think she really braced herself for it this time. Doesn't make it any easier but I admire her strength.

I am beyond upset

WARNING: This post will contain inappropriate language and will not speak highly of religion or "god"
If this will offend you, I urge you not to continue reading. You have been warned.




I am very upset. My best friend is 10 weeks pregnant. She started feeling "off" on Friday, just a gut feeling she had. Today she came in for an ultrasound and there is no heartbeat. This is the second time this has happened to her. It's fucking ridiculous bullshit. She and her husband are wonderful people, they have been together for 10 years or so, married for 1.5. They will be incredible parents, they were TTC once again after going through the heartbreak of losing their first pregnancy the same way and having to wait for 3 weeks for the pregnancy to pass naturally and then eventually have a D&C.

It sickens me beyond belief.

It sickens me that crack whores, drug addicts and people who are not suitable to be parents just keep having  baby after baby with  no worries and with no problems. It sickens me that people preach to a "god" that allows for shit like this to happen. I am expected to believe in a fictional character who is supposed to rule all and listen to your prayers. Fuck that. This god is useless, this god allows for babies to get sick, it allows for young people to die. This god allows for amazing wonderful people to go through absolute hell and for what?? It's unbelievable.

How do I sit here and hold my friend while she sobs at the loss of yet another pregnancy? How do I go on thinking that something good will happen? How do I not feel guilty that I was jealous of her pregnancy for a brief moment in time when now she is experiencing this whole mess again? It bullshit.

While I appreciate that some people can have faith in a god and turn to that faith in times like this, I can't wrap my head around it. If this god actually exists this is a god that stole from me, a god that stole wonderful, important people from my life. Stole my own precious miracle right from my own body and is now stealing yet again from my friend. So, I am sorry but if this god exists, he is an asshole.

Now, my dear, sweet friend needs to go through testing and get poked and proded to find out why her body keeps rejecting these pregnancies. After she went for an early ultrasound and saw a nice strong heartbeat. Why does that heart stop beating? The heart of her tiny, precious baby. Her own  heart breaks into a million pieces and mourns the loss of another pregnancy and another baby. A baby that was real to her and a baby that we all loved instantly. A baby that I was going to spoil and cuddle and smother with kisses.

Why?

iTunes Library Shuffle

It's fun to put my iTunes library on shuffle and then laugh at the wide mix of music and the sequence in which it plays.

Of course I have many different playlists (Gym music, Dee's list, D's list, party songs etc..) But when you put it on the entire library, it's fun.

Let me list the first 10 songs that play right now:

1. Slide Through Your Hands - Jim Cuddy
          Jim Cuddy is hte lead singer of Canadian band Blue Rodeo. I love him and saw them in concert in  January (a little heart breaking because I was pregnant at the time) "Underneath the twisted trees, underneath the eyes of everyone, you came back on night screaming out at me, crying look what you have done"

2. Night Moves - Bob Seger
        I downloaded this song when I was taking guitar lessons because I was supposed to learn how to play it."I used her she used me but neither one cared, we were getting our share"

3. That's What You Get - Paramore
         I am not sure why I have this song. I think I was looking for fast music for my running list. "I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore. It's your turn so take a seat, we're settling the final score"

4. Get Down Tonight - KC and the Sunshine Band
      Not sure why I have this one. "Do a little dance, make a little love, Get down tonight"

5. Body Bounce - Kardinal Offishall
      Love this song. It is my current favorite song to play on iPod when I am running. "You a little insecure but baby you got plenty. Them stretch marks on your hips are just bungee cords bringing you back when you dip"

6. Seize the Day - Avenged Sevenfold
      I believe D asked me to download this one. "I'll do anything for a smile, holding you 'til our time is done. We both know the day will come, but I don't want to leave you"

7. Fireflies - Owl City
      I like this song. That's all I got, no story with it. "I like to make myself believe that plant Earth turns slowly. It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep cause everything is never as it seems"


8. Feedback- Janet Jackson
     Another song for my running soundtrack. I love me some Janet, Ms Jackson if you're nasty! "Strum you like a guitar now on my amplifier, when you hear some feedback keep goin take it higher"

9. Get Low - Lil John & Ying Yang Twins
       Great song to dance to and again for my running soundtrack and now always makes me laugh because of the scene with Sandra Bullock and Betty White in The Proposal. "To the windows and the walls. The sweat drop down my balls, all you bitches crawl"

10. Until the End of Time - Tupac Shakur
     I loves me some Tupac. It makes me so sad that he was taken so early. I love love love him. "Now who's to say if I was right or wrong to live my life as an outlaw all along. Remain strong in this planet full of playa haters"


That wasn't as diverse as I thought it would be but I guess 10 songs that include Tupac and KC and the Sunshine band can't be called anything but diverse.

Frustrated vent. Feel free to ignore

I just had to get this out.

I have been at the hospital for 4 years now, in that time I have seen bullshit after bullshit. Management does whatever they want and nobody says boo about it.

I have been turned down for full time job after full time job because I didn't have enough seniority or they found other excuses (my old boss didn't want to lose me in the department I am in now. I am a very excellent employee. I work hard, I am good at my job, I am smart and I do things properly. I have only called in sick about 3 times in the past 4 years.

So I am finally in a position where I have enough seniority to be a front runner for other positions. I hate the department that I am in, I hate the hours and I would love something full time. I have put my time in and I think I deserve it.

About 6 months ago I applied for a different part time job for a change. The manager of that department told me I would not get many shifts, even though I was certain that I would but I decided to take her work for it and I withdrew my application and they hired someone externally for the job.

Fast forward to now. In June I applied for a full time position and I was blind sided by someone else in the hospital who already had a full time job who swooped in and took right from under my nose. Of course she has every right to apply for the job but it upset me to be passed up for another one.

Then another full time came up and I thought "this is it!" only to now find out that the girl who was hired externally for the job that I was talked out of taking is more eligible than me because her union is a different bargaining unit than mine.

It's fucking bullshit!! I am being turned down for a job when I have 4 years of experience behind me and this girl has 6 months all because she is in a job that should have been MINE.

I am very discouraged and very frustrated.

I feel like every time I go for something I try and try and try and I am patient and I wait (even though I am frustrated) and then someone else swoops in and gets what I want. This is true with work and this is true with TTC.

I am having a pity party right now but I am trying to stay hopeful that something will come up for me but right now I am having a pity party.

Let's hope that the hospital decides to hire me instead. LOL

To make time fly

Normally I like to savor the summer. Take in every last drop of it, enjoy wearing flip flops, the cottage, ATVing, fishing, baseball, evening walks and BBQing.

This year I want August to fly by, I want September 1st to be here, I want to talk to Dr. L and I want to know what the plan is. I am impatient about this. A few things I have to make it go quickly!


It is already August 10th. I work all week except for Wednesday so that takes care of this week.

Saturday (august 14) I have my baseball playoffs all day

Next week I should get called in for another full week of work and then my sister is also coming for a visit for a few days. The following weekend is my cousin's wedding out of town.

We are now at August 23rd. That week and weekend will probably drag but I am hoping to hear good news about the full time job I applied for and if by chance I get it, maybe I will be training for it and I will be able to occupy that week with a busy work schedule.

Sorry to remind you how quickly summer will be gone but in my case, I want it to be September 1st RIGHT NOW!

Unhelpful things that have been said to me

I know that people mean well and that they don't know what else to say and that they don't know the full story of what I am going through but here is a list of things I hate to hear:

• Just relax and it will happen 
• It happened once, so it will happen again
• 1 tube is MORE than enough
• Fertility doctor? You are going to give me twins?! (this gem from my MIL)
• You know who is pregnant?
• I know someone who had blocked tubes and they got them unblocked
• Have you looked into adoption?

23 days until see Dr. L. 23 days. I can make it. 

A video blog post from Dee

Here is a 4 minute video of me talking about the CIBC Run for the Cure that I am participating in. It is not a pushy beg for donations (though I do mention it), it's just me briefly talking about why I do the run.

If you do want to pledge me you can click here and as I say in the video, I completely understand if it is not in your budget, there is always someone out there with a hand out and it can be very overwhelming.

**ignore my not great hair day and lack of makeup, I had a nap earlier :)

Hey, J-j-jaded

Sometimes I worry that I am using words in the wrong context, I know what I want to say but I am not sure I am using the correct words. I was thinking that I feel Jaded but I wasn't sure if I used the term correctly so I looked it up (NERD ALERT!) and this is what I found:

Main Entry: jaded



Function: adjective


1 : fatigued by overwork : exhausted


2 : made dull, apathetic, or cynical by experience or by surfeit

AF showed up yesterday. Previously when the bitch showed her ugly face, I cried. I felt sorry for myself and I cried. Yesterday I was more upset about the fact that she came on CD 25 (giving me a 24 day cycle) and that she ruined a good, sexy-ish, comfy pair of panties.

I am Jaded.

I am fatigued and exhausted from our T-TTC and the emotions that come with it.
I am cynical. I have always been cynical but this journey has made me even more so.

It's numbness that I feel now. This is cycle 19 or 20 or something, I have literally lost count because I feel like I stopped caring or maybe I cared too much and just ran out of steam. That is how I feel, emotionless.

I know this is a temporary feeling and that sooner than later I will be crying and feeling sorry for myself again but today I am jaded.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=705LEH3j2g0&feature=related

A horrible discovery

I have always had a good butt. It is not big, it is not small. It is nice. And it looks damn good in a pair of jeans.

Yesterday before hopping in the shower after the gym I was trying to look at a pimple on my back that felt like someone stabbed me and neglected to remove the knife. While I was twisting and turning to get a look at the monster I glanced at my good butt and what did I see????

DIMPLES!!!!!!! My ass has cellulite. And cue the shocked crying.

I just started back at the gym 2 days ago and I think today's workout will consist of many many butt firming excercises.

RIP nice butt, I will miss you!

Random Thoughts

Another look into the strange world that is my brain.

How would you spell the word used to describe something that has a lot of pus. Pus-filled would be the most appropriate response here. Would it is pussy? (but pronounced like pus-ee)

How is it known that dogs only see in black and white?  I know there must be some eye test that tells them so but at first thought you have to wonder.


That's all for now.

A Saturday night with a drunk Dee

******The following blog contains pictures and language that may not be suitable for all audiences. Reader discretion is advised******

This past Saturday I got drunk. I got obliterated. I am a happy go lucky drunk. I say what I am thinking and I usually have many people laughing. This past Saturday was no exception. 

Here are mug shots of the culprits:

We were at the cottage with D and a variety of cousins, aunts, uncles and family friends from D's side of the family where most of the drinks were had. We then proceeded to the small community's curling club (converted into a large hall in the summer) where there was a live band. Following this we always stop at the chip stand for a poutine to help soak up some of the booze in our bellies.

The night started off pretty simple with some drinking and chatting in the Cottage gazebo

The simplicity ended probably around the time that I stood up and realized that drinking Sour Puss straight from the bottle is not always a wonderful choice to make.

And now for an account of some of my (not so) finer moments from the night.

• I praise one of D's cousins who is our designated driver every year. She is not a drinker and she continually puts up with us drunks every year and drives us to and from the dance. This year she took the girls first. When we pulled up to the dance I did a leap out of the van while screaming, dancing and singing along to Lady Gaga that we were blaring. I also proudly told the lookers-on to fuck off and made my way into the dance. 

• The bathroom was the first stop for me since I am not fond of the cottage outhouse and had to pee something fierce. While I was in there the rest of the girls paid their admission and went in without me. So I got in line and loudly told the ticket seller that the man in front of me would be paying for my ticket. He looked at me like I had 8 heads, gave me the stink eye and walked in. So I paid for my own way in.

• While standing outside in the smoking section with cousin's BF I am approached by some weird dude. While he is talking to me he pulls a cigarette out of a pack so I take this opportunity to say "Hey, if you are going to light that then beat it. I don't want to stand here inhaling your fucking cancer" He left. Cousin's BF is pissing himself laughing and then I say 'the funniest part is that he left and WE are in the smoking section"  

• I meet a new person and we chat for a few minutes, he then introduces me to his girlfriend of 15 years. I ask him if they are engaged and he says 'no. I don't want to get married. Marriage is only for people who want kids and we don't want kids" so I say "I have been married for 3 years and I don't have kids" then he asks "Yeah, but don't you want them?" to which I reply "Yes, but I have a broken uterus" Yep, you read it right, I came out of the IF closet to a complete stranger.

• Again while outside in the smoking section I spot one of D's friends standing alone so I take this opportunity to tackle him to the ground. While he is trying to get up he ends up on all-fours and I see this as my immediate opportunity to ride him like a pony, complete with my 'spurring' him in the ass with my heel. It did not take long for him to buck me off. How did I not end up with grass stains?

• While the band was on a break and a CD was playing I took it upon myself to dance on the stage because it seemed like the right thing to do. Good thing for everyone involved that the mics were not left on.

• Now, I don't quite remember what exactly I said to all of the complete strangers that I met at the chip stand while waiting in line for my food (I decided to leave the dance early and walked there by myself so I was alone with strangers for quite some time) but the following day at the ball park I heard someone say "That's D's wife" so I turn and look and there is 2 girls I remember making laugh at the chip stand walking with a friend of my father-in-law. He tells me that the 2 girls said "Hey, that's the girl from the chip stand last night" so he was telling them who I was. I said "they probably said that's the crazy broad from the chip stand" and he said "actually, that is exactly what they said" so I waved to them and said "hey girls!!" They looked clearly very hungover and I, surprisingly, felt perfectly fine.

Early TTC hopefulness

As I was daydreaming the other day I started to think about my TTC timeline. The hopefulness, the let downs, the naive thoughts, the heartbreak, the happiness, the tears...oh the tears!

Then I started thinking about how hopeful (and actually sure) I was that this would be a quick and easy process for us. After all, it is easy for everyone in my family.

Here is a fun little compilation of the idiotic things that I actually thought early off in this journey.


Cycle #1
Started having sex daily as soon as my period stopped. Visited tons of websites and filled in my "cycle information" into Ovulation Predictors to figure out when I was ovulating. Right around that day we had missionary sex, after which I stayed on your back, with my legs in the air for a minimum of 20 minutes. I started to immediately imagine being pregnant, doing the math to figure out when I would be due, imagining all of the events in the next 9 months that I would be pregnant for. I imagined telling family and friends the big news.
I even stopped drinking, not even a sip because what if I were to harm my unborn child? I do not want to take any chances.

Cycle #4
I cannot believe that it is taking this long! Only one more cycle to try and then I am taking a break because we are heading to Las Vegas and I choose fitting into my bridemaid dress and partying in Vegas over the possibility of being pregnant. A friend tells me about fertilityfriend.com but I don't start temping yet.

Cycle #6
Back to TTC full time. The Vegas trip was great and now we will TTC without breaks. My sister wedding is coming up in Cuba so I did the math to where I would still be able to travel if I got pregnant right away.


Cycle #8
It was around this time that I found BOTB. I was educated about charting and started doing it right around this time and lo and behold, even though I have a perfect 28 day cycle, I do not ovulate on CD 14.

I think most of you know how the rest goes and I am trying not to make this a depressing post, just a fun post about the naive thoughts that go through your head when you first start TTC.

Here's some funny things that I actually thought before I was edumacated.

1. Everyone in my immediate family is fertile so I must be too
2. Online ovulation calculators are accurate
3. Every little symptom pre-AF means I am pregnant
4. The First Response commercial says I can test 5 days before my missed period and they wouldn't lie to me!
5. If we are not getting pregnant there must be a problem with D's sperm because everyone in my family is so fertile
6. My perfect 28 day cycle means that it will be super easy for us to get pregnant
7. Every little twinge, cramp, gas bubble must be the egg meeting the sperm or something else magical

I am sure there are tons more but that seems so long ago that I can barely remember any of it and am ashamed to admit it but I think we all start somewhere. The sad thing is that for some women it is that easy and they still believe many of those things.