I am very proud and very happy to say that my bitterness and anger has been at bay for some time now. I don't want to cry when I see anyone with a baby. I no longer feel hatred and anger towards those people who got pregnant so easily. Every pregnant belly doesn't make me want to cry and lock myself in a dark basement.
The feelings are always lingering in the back of my mind but I have been very good lately and proud to say that the impossible gets more possible every day.
And then it hits. Out of the blue when you are least expecting it. It hits. The knot in your stomach, the lump in your throat when you see a baby, when you see a pregnant lady, when you read yet another pregnancy announcement on facebook, when someone mentions casually that 'so-and-so is pregnant, again!'
Sigh. I don't like feeling this way but I like the small victories. I have been doing really good lately and I am proud and happy for that.
My journey is different that anyone else's and I have to live with what I am dealing with. Others may be luckier than I am in that respect but I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot to smile about.
And then it hits...
Sunday, October 31, 2010
CD 1: The official beginning of the 1st IVF Stage?
My period showed up on time. CD28. For the first time in a very long time I was very happy to see the bitch get here on time. So, as per instructions I called the RE's office to inform the nurse that today was Day 1 of my cycle and she would advise me how to proceed (even though Dr. L told me that I would start the pill on CD3-aka Monday) I am immediately freaking out because now it is happening. I am hyperventilating (not extreme but in serious need of some deep breaths).
So the girl I speak to informs me that she needs to pull my chart and then she will call me back in a few hours and that our complete payment is due. Ok, fine. So we spend some time on the phone with the credit card company and online moving the money into the proper accounts so that we can pay the credit card bill immediately after the transaction is processed (the only way to pay is by credit card because we live so far away from the office so bringing a check or paying my debit is not an option)
So the time passes and I continue to freak out and run through a string of emotions and the girl calls back. Our conversation goes something like this:
"Hello Dee, we have your chart. I will have a nurse review and she will get back to you some time. If you don't hear from us by Wednesday, maybe try giving us a call. You need a 2 hour information session with the nurse before we can even begin your treatments so chances are you won't be able to start this month"
"Pardon me?? I just had an appointment with Dr. L on Thursday and he assured me that we would be starting this month, that is our plan and he knew my period was due today"
The conversation continued like that for a while. I am extremely frustrated with this broad who knows nothing about OUR situation and OUR file. I am right now going by what Dr. L said and I will be calling his assistant on Monday morning to see what we do. I did not like the attitude of the girl I spoke to, she was not listening to me whatsoever and I realize that there are protocols but I really do not want to hear from a receptionist that I may not be able to start my IVF cycle after my RE said that I am. It's frustrating and scary.
So until tomorrow, I will try to remain calm and see what my doctor has to say. I think they already faxed in my prescription for BCP but I am not 100% sure, will find out tomorrow, I guess.
So the girl I speak to informs me that she needs to pull my chart and then she will call me back in a few hours and that our complete payment is due. Ok, fine. So we spend some time on the phone with the credit card company and online moving the money into the proper accounts so that we can pay the credit card bill immediately after the transaction is processed (the only way to pay is by credit card because we live so far away from the office so bringing a check or paying my debit is not an option)
So the time passes and I continue to freak out and run through a string of emotions and the girl calls back. Our conversation goes something like this:
"Hello Dee, we have your chart. I will have a nurse review and she will get back to you some time. If you don't hear from us by Wednesday, maybe try giving us a call. You need a 2 hour information session with the nurse before we can even begin your treatments so chances are you won't be able to start this month"
"Pardon me?? I just had an appointment with Dr. L on Thursday and he assured me that we would be starting this month, that is our plan and he knew my period was due today"
The conversation continued like that for a while. I am extremely frustrated with this broad who knows nothing about OUR situation and OUR file. I am right now going by what Dr. L said and I will be calling his assistant on Monday morning to see what we do. I did not like the attitude of the girl I spoke to, she was not listening to me whatsoever and I realize that there are protocols but I really do not want to hear from a receptionist that I may not be able to start my IVF cycle after my RE said that I am. It's frustrating and scary.
So until tomorrow, I will try to remain calm and see what my doctor has to say. I think they already faxed in my prescription for BCP but I am not 100% sure, will find out tomorrow, I guess.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Ok, readers. You tell me.
I am feeling redundant. I make my video journal blog posts and then I come here and type out the Coles notes version of our IVF journey.
Some people might not want to view the video blog and that's fine. So you tell me, should I make the video journal and also type about it over here too?
Some people might not want to view the video blog and that's fine. So you tell me, should I make the video journal and also type about it over here too?
Friday, October 29, 2010
Turning 29 Happy Birthday to Dee
Well I turned 29. I am officially (as of yesterday) in my last year in my twenties! Holy shit!!!!
The day was good. I worked, we had our appointment with the RE to sign all of our consents and get the ball rolling for IVF. I start BCP any day now (CD3) and then we are full steam ahead. Our Egg Retrieval and Embryo Transfer will happen in late NOvember/Early December. It's pretty overwhelming.
Then D made me supper, Salmon on the BBQ, fried rice and a yummy salad. He also baked my favorite, chocolate chip cookies (my choice instead of a cake).
After cookies, we went to play volleyball. Then watched Grey's and Private Practice and off to bed.
All in all. A not bad birthday.
Dr. L said the best thing when he found out it was my 29th birthday. He said "Happy birthday, on your 30th birthday you very well could be a mother!" I almost cried right then and there!
Off to a baby shower tonight. Wish me luck!
The day was good. I worked, we had our appointment with the RE to sign all of our consents and get the ball rolling for IVF. I start BCP any day now (CD3) and then we are full steam ahead. Our Egg Retrieval and Embryo Transfer will happen in late NOvember/Early December. It's pretty overwhelming.
Then D made me supper, Salmon on the BBQ, fried rice and a yummy salad. He also baked my favorite, chocolate chip cookies (my choice instead of a cake).
After cookies, we went to play volleyball. Then watched Grey's and Private Practice and off to bed.
All in all. A not bad birthday.
Dr. L said the best thing when he found out it was my 29th birthday. He said "Happy birthday, on your 30th birthday you very well could be a mother!" I almost cried right then and there!
Off to a baby shower tonight. Wish me luck!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
That connection
I have friends.
I have a group of friends and I am close with some of them but I have never had that connection with someone. That best friend connection. Of course I had best friends in school but I have never met that person who I wanted to share everything with. That person who I knew would never judge me.
I want that. I want to meet that one girl friend that I can't go long without talking to. I see people who have that kind of friendship and I am envious. I know there must be someone out there that I would connect with. Someone who is willing to invest as much into their friendship with me as I invest into my friendships with others. My 2 "best" friends talk to each other several times a day and I am lucky if I talk to them once a week. It's just different.
I just watched Sex and the City and yes, I know that is fiction but most people that I know have at least 1 friend who they have that special connection with and I just sometimes feel sad that I don't have that.
I am feeling weepy tonight. Blah.
I have a group of friends and I am close with some of them but I have never had that connection with someone. That best friend connection. Of course I had best friends in school but I have never met that person who I wanted to share everything with. That person who I knew would never judge me.
I want that. I want to meet that one girl friend that I can't go long without talking to. I see people who have that kind of friendship and I am envious. I know there must be someone out there that I would connect with. Someone who is willing to invest as much into their friendship with me as I invest into my friendships with others. My 2 "best" friends talk to each other several times a day and I am lucky if I talk to them once a week. It's just different.
I just watched Sex and the City and yes, I know that is fiction but most people that I know have at least 1 friend who they have that special connection with and I just sometimes feel sad that I don't have that.
I am feeling weepy tonight. Blah.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Up early
Well damn. I woke up today at 7:45. My last day to sleep in until next Saturday and my body wakes up for the day at 7:45. Normally I would have been able to get right back to sleep but I was having a dream about taking a pregnancy test at work and it came out positive and I was shocked and confused and they determined that it wasn't actually positive but it said so because I had a concussion. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.
So once I woke up I started thinking about seeing the 2 lines (though in the dream it was 4 lines all criss-crossed. The plaid HPT) and then I started thinking about IVF and how it is coming so quickly and how many emotions I am dealing with and BAM! I am awake with no chance of going back to sleep.
So let's recap what my life has been like. I am adjusting to working full time and my internet time is suffering. I miss BOTB and facebook and blogger. Though I do get on at least once every 2 days and I am at the very least able to lurk and read back a couple of days.
My new routine consists of me getting up at 5:30-5:40a.m on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday to go to the gym before work.
This week I also played volleyball on Tuesday and Thursday night.
This weekend we spent most of our time at SIL's new house (yes, the one down the street) helping them move in. So today I have to get a mountain of laundry done, do my meal plan for the week and get my groceries.
So this is what it's like to have a real life?
Oh, and I almost forgot! My Halloween costume arrived this week! It's AWESOME!!!!!!!
So once I woke up I started thinking about seeing the 2 lines (though in the dream it was 4 lines all criss-crossed. The plaid HPT) and then I started thinking about IVF and how it is coming so quickly and how many emotions I am dealing with and BAM! I am awake with no chance of going back to sleep.
So let's recap what my life has been like. I am adjusting to working full time and my internet time is suffering. I miss BOTB and facebook and blogger. Though I do get on at least once every 2 days and I am at the very least able to lurk and read back a couple of days.
My new routine consists of me getting up at 5:30-5:40a.m on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday to go to the gym before work.
This week I also played volleyball on Tuesday and Thursday night.
This weekend we spent most of our time at SIL's new house (yes, the one down the street) helping them move in. So today I have to get a mountain of laundry done, do my meal plan for the week and get my groceries.
So this is what it's like to have a real life?
Oh, and I almost forgot! My Halloween costume arrived this week! It's AWESOME!!!!!!!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Hair
Yesterday morning at the gym I spent a significant amount of time observing an older man on the treadmill. He had a bad comb-over and I thought to myself, why? Do they think they are fooling anyone? They are so afraid of being bald that they grow their remaining hair so long so they can cover up the balding.
Why?
Then I spent another significant amount of time trying to understand it. In order to do this I tried to think of something that women do and I realized women do much much crazier things than comb a little extra hair over something to cover it up.
We go through pain and pay checks for the above list and countless others.
So to you, old man at the gym, I say: Your comb-over looks ridiculous, you are not fooling anyone but if that's the only insecurity you have to cover up then good for you!
Why?
Then I spent another significant amount of time trying to understand it. In order to do this I tried to think of something that women do and I realized women do much much crazier things than comb a little extra hair over something to cover it up.
- Pour hot wax on unwanted hair and then promptly rip it out along with a few layers of skin
- spend thousands of dollars on creams and products that will take away our wrinkles
- pull out tiny hairs in sensitive areas, one by one, in swift painful motions
- spend thousands of dollars on makeup to change the color of our eyelids, cheeks and lips and cover our faces in a liquid (or powder) that is the same colour of the skin underneath it
- allow for chemicals to seems into our bodies through our scalp in order to achieve the perfect shade of hair
- spend thousands of dollars on metals, plastics and jewels to hang from different parts of our bodies
- stuff our bras with enhancers, wrap our tummies to make them seem flatter
- colour our finger and toe nails in a rainbow of colours
We go through pain and pay checks for the above list and countless others.
So to you, old man at the gym, I say: Your comb-over looks ridiculous, you are not fooling anyone but if that's the only insecurity you have to cover up then good for you!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Halloween costume update
Well our shopping trip turned out perfectly for D. Not so much for me but all have been taken care of and I am back to being super excited.
We get to the store with our plans of being Dick in a Box guy and Mary Katherine Gallagher. I really wanted to go as a couple of some type and figured since they were both SNL characters that would be OK. Well, we get to the store and D spots a wig and immediately he says. 'That wig kind of looks like Ron Burgundy. I should go as Ron Burgundy!" And then every
thing fell into place. The store we were at is a 2nd hand thrift store but they are a Halloween costume headquarters as well (the costumes and stuff are new). So, off we go to Men's suits and there is a red/burgundy suit jacket. It's a little tight but it works. Then we find some red/burgundy pants. They are about 4 sizes to small but they fit everywhere, he just can't do them up. We decide to figure something out. So we grab a tie, the wig, find a moustache and then D finds these old 70s/80s like white leather shoes and the outfit is complete! D will go as Ron Burgundy and that scraps our "couples" idea because Veronica Corningstone is not really a great Halloween costume.
Now it is my turn. I find the plaid skirt and a sweater vest but they are the wrong colours and when I put it on, it's not as funny as I hoped. So we search the store trying to find the same motivation that D had by finding one key piece but nothing seems to work. So I leave the store empty handed and without a plan. Immediately when we get home I start searching online looking for ideas or a costume to order and I come across a costume that is perfect for me.
For those who are not aware, I am a huge Rocky fan. I cried for hours after watching the latest Rocky Balboa. I think Sly Stallone is the best man who ever walked the earth. My next dog will be named Balboa. I love love love love him.
So in my search for a costume I come across this and I know instantly that it is perfect and it needs to be my costume!!
Yes, the dress is quite short and I would never wear those hooker heels with it but I figure if I order it big enough, maybe the skirt will be long enough. I am willing to take the chance. Of course the only size available is a SMALL. Um, yeah not happening. So I search for a good 30-45 minutes for this costume somewhere else and every website says the same thing. Not available in the size I want or the shipping is something astronomical and there is no way I am paying a $50 shipping charge. Ridiculous.
So D makes this suggestion. Order the men's costume in a SMALL and just wear a 'wife beater'
PERFECTION!!! So I have this costume on order (minus the wig and boots):
The costume only came in a one size fits most deal. It said the shorts would fit a size 30-40 waist so I am assuming they are adjustable. I worry that the robe will be too big but it so I will see if my mom can take it in at all.
We are not going as a couple but I am excited to be Rocky and D's costume is hilarious so I am pretty happy.
Pictures to come after the party :)
We get to the store with our plans of being Dick in a Box guy and Mary Katherine Gallagher. I really wanted to go as a couple of some type and figured since they were both SNL characters that would be OK. Well, we get to the store and D spots a wig and immediately he says. 'That wig kind of looks like Ron Burgundy. I should go as Ron Burgundy!" And then every
thing fell into place. The store we were at is a 2nd hand thrift store but they are a Halloween costume headquarters as well (the costumes and stuff are new). So, off we go to Men's suits and there is a red/burgundy suit jacket. It's a little tight but it works. Then we find some red/burgundy pants. They are about 4 sizes to small but they fit everywhere, he just can't do them up. We decide to figure something out. So we grab a tie, the wig, find a moustache and then D finds these old 70s/80s like white leather shoes and the outfit is complete! D will go as Ron Burgundy and that scraps our "couples" idea because Veronica Corningstone is not really a great Halloween costume.Now it is my turn. I find the plaid skirt and a sweater vest but they are the wrong colours and when I put it on, it's not as funny as I hoped. So we search the store trying to find the same motivation that D had by finding one key piece but nothing seems to work. So I leave the store empty handed and without a plan. Immediately when we get home I start searching online looking for ideas or a costume to order and I come across a costume that is perfect for me.
For those who are not aware, I am a huge Rocky fan. I cried for hours after watching the latest Rocky Balboa. I think Sly Stallone is the best man who ever walked the earth. My next dog will be named Balboa. I love love love love him.
So in my search for a costume I come across this and I know instantly that it is perfect and it needs to be my costume!!
Yes, the dress is quite short and I would never wear those hooker heels with it but I figure if I order it big enough, maybe the skirt will be long enough. I am willing to take the chance. Of course the only size available is a SMALL. Um, yeah not happening. So I search for a good 30-45 minutes for this costume somewhere else and every website says the same thing. Not available in the size I want or the shipping is something astronomical and there is no way I am paying a $50 shipping charge. Ridiculous.So D makes this suggestion. Order the men's costume in a SMALL and just wear a 'wife beater'
PERFECTION!!! So I have this costume on order (minus the wig and boots):
The costume only came in a one size fits most deal. It said the shorts would fit a size 30-40 waist so I am assuming they are adjustable. I worry that the robe will be too big but it so I will see if my mom can take it in at all.
We are not going as a couple but I am excited to be Rocky and D's costume is hilarious so I am pretty happy.
Pictures to come after the party :)
Saturday, October 16, 2010
The hunter has returned
D got home yesterday from his week long hunting trip. Thankfully, he got home while I was at work so he was showered and shaved when I first saw him. When a man comes out of the bush after 7 days it is not pretty. Not even a little.
I was glad to see him. I really did miss him but I found that with the new job and being busy, this year's hunting trip seemed to go quicker for me. A lot of the time I am very lonely and missing him.
The hunter sleeps now. My body decided that at 7:30am it was time to get up. STUPID BODY!!!
Today's plan: we are going halloween costume shopping. A friend of mine is hosting a party on October 30th and I am very excited about it for several reasons. Dressing up is fun. I love Halloween, yep... I am a girl who hates Christmas, Thanksgiving is not a big deal (this year I ate alone), I don't believe in Valentine's Day but Halloween? I love Halloween! I love to give out candy to kids. D and I have pumpkin carving contests and I get Roxy in her costume and we greet all the little ghouls and goblins at the door. I love it. And of course we all remember my proposal:
Another reason I am excited about the halloween party is because it is close to my birthday and I always tell people that it is also my birthday party, I am self centered and an attention whore like that. I think it stems from the fact that I never once had a birthday party as a kid. (that is a whole other session... I mean post)
And then finally. This year, I am excited because it will be my last big hoorah with my friends. Stage 1 of IVF will start as soon as my period arrives and that means I am cutting out the booze. While this is not that huge of a deal, my friends are party animals and I love to get together and have drinks and be wild. But I am more than willing to give up the drinking for what is *oh so hopefully* to come.
Stay tuned for the final decision on our costumes. Currently we are thinking:
AND
That could very well change by the end of today's shopping trip though.
I was glad to see him. I really did miss him but I found that with the new job and being busy, this year's hunting trip seemed to go quicker for me. A lot of the time I am very lonely and missing him.
The hunter sleeps now. My body decided that at 7:30am it was time to get up. STUPID BODY!!!
Today's plan: we are going halloween costume shopping. A friend of mine is hosting a party on October 30th and I am very excited about it for several reasons. Dressing up is fun. I love Halloween, yep... I am a girl who hates Christmas, Thanksgiving is not a big deal (this year I ate alone), I don't believe in Valentine's Day but Halloween? I love Halloween! I love to give out candy to kids. D and I have pumpkin carving contests and I get Roxy in her costume and we greet all the little ghouls and goblins at the door. I love it. And of course we all remember my proposal:
Another reason I am excited about the halloween party is because it is close to my birthday and I always tell people that it is also my birthday party, I am self centered and an attention whore like that. I think it stems from the fact that I never once had a birthday party as a kid. (that is a whole other session... I mean post)
And then finally. This year, I am excited because it will be my last big hoorah with my friends. Stage 1 of IVF will start as soon as my period arrives and that means I am cutting out the booze. While this is not that huge of a deal, my friends are party animals and I love to get together and have drinks and be wild. But I am more than willing to give up the drinking for what is *oh so hopefully* to come.
Stay tuned for the final decision on our costumes. Currently we are thinking:
AND
That could very well change by the end of today's shopping trip though.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
My video blog
I started a new blog. It is not to replace this one. I just designated a blog for my IVF video journals.
If you would like to follow it, you can find it here:
http://ivfjournals.blogspot.com/
The next video will not be posted until after my appointment on Oct 28.
That is all I have to say for now. I am busy. The new job is crazy busy and kind of overwhelming but good.
xo
If you would like to follow it, you can find it here:
http://ivfjournals.blogspot.com/
The next video will not be posted until after my appointment on Oct 28.
That is all I have to say for now. I am busy. The new job is crazy busy and kind of overwhelming but good.
xo
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
My first day
Today was the first day at my new full time job.
It was crazy and hectic. I like that.
Everyone was really helpful and I am very thankful that I have been working in the hospital for years now because if not, today would have been insanely overwhelming. But I think I am picking things up rather quickly and I hope that it continues like that.
I got great news today. The girl who I called in a favour with at the hospital pulled through for me and rescheduled the appointment that was blocking me from our Education/Consent signing appointment on Oct 28/10. So, on my 29th birthday I will sit across the television screen with Dr. L and his nurse and we will sign a million consent forms for IVF. (Adverse Effects and Risks, Consent Relating to the Use of Reproductive Material: Eggs, Sperm and In Vitro Embryos, Consent to Use Eggs and Sperm for the Creation of In Vitro Embryos etc....) and after we sign all of those forms we will get our instruction for giving me my injections. D will be giving them to me and on the days that he is not available (work or something) I might get someone else to do it cause I don't know if I could give myself a needle. But at the end of the day, I will do whatever it takes!!
Then when my period arrives (Oct.30 or any day after) I will start birth control pills and begin taking the injections and IVF Stage 1 will commence. I can't even believe it. Just typing the words gives my butterflies and tears in my eyes.
I thought about how I should chronicle my IVF. I am thinking that I am going to keep a journal of my moods and how I am feeling and also I am going to do a weekly video blog post. I am not 100% decided but I want to capture the whole thing. If not just for my own curiosity but maybe to help educate people and help anyone else who might be going through similar things.
I know these next couple of weeks will fly.
It was crazy and hectic. I like that.
Everyone was really helpful and I am very thankful that I have been working in the hospital for years now because if not, today would have been insanely overwhelming. But I think I am picking things up rather quickly and I hope that it continues like that.
I got great news today. The girl who I called in a favour with at the hospital pulled through for me and rescheduled the appointment that was blocking me from our Education/Consent signing appointment on Oct 28/10. So, on my 29th birthday I will sit across the television screen with Dr. L and his nurse and we will sign a million consent forms for IVF. (Adverse Effects and Risks, Consent Relating to the Use of Reproductive Material: Eggs, Sperm and In Vitro Embryos, Consent to Use Eggs and Sperm for the Creation of In Vitro Embryos etc....) and after we sign all of those forms we will get our instruction for giving me my injections. D will be giving them to me and on the days that he is not available (work or something) I might get someone else to do it cause I don't know if I could give myself a needle. But at the end of the day, I will do whatever it takes!!
Then when my period arrives (Oct.30 or any day after) I will start birth control pills and begin taking the injections and IVF Stage 1 will commence. I can't even believe it. Just typing the words gives my butterflies and tears in my eyes.
I thought about how I should chronicle my IVF. I am thinking that I am going to keep a journal of my moods and how I am feeling and also I am going to do a weekly video blog post. I am not 100% decided but I want to capture the whole thing. If not just for my own curiosity but maybe to help educate people and help anyone else who might be going through similar things.
I know these next couple of weeks will fly.
Monday, October 11, 2010
A hunting widow's busy long weekend
Happy Canadian Thanksgiving!!!!!
D left on Friday morning to go moose hunting for a week so I am alone for a week.
Friday night I hosted a little girls night at my house. We had drinks, played games, talked about sex-LOL and then we went out dancing. It was a lot of fun. (other than the section of the night where IF and T-TTC was discussed)
Saturday morning I had to go to the radio station to record my Sunday show. After that I went over to my friend's house to see the renovation progress. She and her mom spent the week painting-looks great!! This is the friend who I have been feeling very disconnected from lately. She is going through some TTC issue herself. She has no problem getting pregnant but she has lost 2 pregnancies the exact same way and so they are doing some investigation into why this is happening. We used to really lean on each other but lately we have been drifting apart and it really made me sad.
So I opened up to her about our IVF and our RE appointments and she updated me about what's going on with her. I am going to make more of an effort with her. It's just that sometimes you get very very tired of being the only one putting out the effort, you know?
I was happy with our talk though.
After that I came home and made vegetable soup. YUMMY!!! Then I joined my friend at her son's hockey game. This is a friend of mine who is a bit older and has teenage kids. The game was great! It went into overtime and then finally to a shootout and our team won! YAY!!
Yesterday was a busy day. I cleaned out my cupboards. DH is very very bad at keeping the tupperware organized and we have very limited space in our kitchen. The last time I organized them I told him that if he didn't keep it up I would never do it again. Well I just couldn't take it anymore. In the last couple of months it was getting worse and worse and worse.
BEFORE:
AFTER:
Like I said, we have limited kitchen room so I did what I could. It's nice to see things in order though. There will be severe consequences if that gets all messy again! (I just need to figure out what those will be)
After the cupboard organizing I framed some pictures and hung them up and reorganized some frames, I washed some walls and baseboards and I did some laundry. Then I made myself Thanksgiving dinner for one. Mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy, salad and a piece of my tofu "chicken"
On today's holiday Monday agenda: The rest of the laundry, make spaghetti, clean more walls, iron my clothes for the week, and to the gym if there is time.
Tomorrow begins my first official day as a full time employee. It has been a long time since I had a full time job. The part time was just as busy or busier sometimes but it will be really nice to get myself back in a routine again. Although my BOTB and FB time will suffer!
D left on Friday morning to go moose hunting for a week so I am alone for a week.
Friday night I hosted a little girls night at my house. We had drinks, played games, talked about sex-LOL and then we went out dancing. It was a lot of fun. (other than the section of the night where IF and T-TTC was discussed)
Saturday morning I had to go to the radio station to record my Sunday show. After that I went over to my friend's house to see the renovation progress. She and her mom spent the week painting-looks great!! This is the friend who I have been feeling very disconnected from lately. She is going through some TTC issue herself. She has no problem getting pregnant but she has lost 2 pregnancies the exact same way and so they are doing some investigation into why this is happening. We used to really lean on each other but lately we have been drifting apart and it really made me sad.
So I opened up to her about our IVF and our RE appointments and she updated me about what's going on with her. I am going to make more of an effort with her. It's just that sometimes you get very very tired of being the only one putting out the effort, you know?
I was happy with our talk though.
After that I came home and made vegetable soup. YUMMY!!! Then I joined my friend at her son's hockey game. This is a friend of mine who is a bit older and has teenage kids. The game was great! It went into overtime and then finally to a shootout and our team won! YAY!!
Yesterday was a busy day. I cleaned out my cupboards. DH is very very bad at keeping the tupperware organized and we have very limited space in our kitchen. The last time I organized them I told him that if he didn't keep it up I would never do it again. Well I just couldn't take it anymore. In the last couple of months it was getting worse and worse and worse.
BEFORE:
AFTER:
Like I said, we have limited kitchen room so I did what I could. It's nice to see things in order though. There will be severe consequences if that gets all messy again! (I just need to figure out what those will be)
After the cupboard organizing I framed some pictures and hung them up and reorganized some frames, I washed some walls and baseboards and I did some laundry. Then I made myself Thanksgiving dinner for one. Mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy, salad and a piece of my tofu "chicken"
On today's holiday Monday agenda: The rest of the laundry, make spaghetti, clean more walls, iron my clothes for the week, and to the gym if there is time.
Tomorrow begins my first official day as a full time employee. It has been a long time since I had a full time job. The part time was just as busy or busier sometimes but it will be really nice to get myself back in a routine again. Although my BOTB and FB time will suffer!
Friday, October 8, 2010
Conflicts
Yesterday at my appointment Dr.L's secretary was off sick. So she was going to contact me today to book our consent/education appointment.
Well I get the email from her with all of the forms and she informs me that our appointment is tentatively booked for November 18th. Um. No. That is not good enough. My period will start either late late October or early November so that just will not do.
So I email her and ask for an earlier appointment. She says she has October 28th available. GREAT. But it is not available at our end. Because the appointments are done through teleconference it has to work on their end and at our end. FUCK!
So I call the teleconference coordinator at the hospital to see if I can pull some strings.
After some back and forth, the coordinator says she is going to see about rescheduling the person who is blocking me from being able to book a full hour which is needed.
It is now 4:25pm and I have not heard anything. Dr.L's secretary is leaving the slot open for me on their end so I am crossing everything that the other appointment is able to be moved. The offices are going to close in about 5 minutes and it's a long weekend (Canadian Thanksgiving) so Tuesday is the earliest I will hear anything.
Please send any luck you have my way. I don't want this to get delayed. As scared and nervous as I am, I am also ready to get going.
Oh and October 28th is my birthday so it has to all work out for me, right?
Stay tuned........
Well I get the email from her with all of the forms and she informs me that our appointment is tentatively booked for November 18th. Um. No. That is not good enough. My period will start either late late October or early November so that just will not do.
So I email her and ask for an earlier appointment. She says she has October 28th available. GREAT. But it is not available at our end. Because the appointments are done through teleconference it has to work on their end and at our end. FUCK!
So I call the teleconference coordinator at the hospital to see if I can pull some strings.
After some back and forth, the coordinator says she is going to see about rescheduling the person who is blocking me from being able to book a full hour which is needed.
It is now 4:25pm and I have not heard anything. Dr.L's secretary is leaving the slot open for me on their end so I am crossing everything that the other appointment is able to be moved. The offices are going to close in about 5 minutes and it's a long weekend (Canadian Thanksgiving) so Tuesday is the earliest I will hear anything.
Please send any luck you have my way. I don't want this to get delayed. As scared and nervous as I am, I am also ready to get going.
Oh and October 28th is my birthday so it has to all work out for me, right?
Stay tuned........
Thursday, October 7, 2010
The plan is made.
D & I saw our new friend Dr. L today. Have I mentioned lately how much I love the Teleconference appointments? Our 20-minute appointment today was NOT accompanied by an 8 hour drive. I love it!
So here is a brief rundown.
All of my test results came back normal! Woot woot! I was surprised actually that my Iron came back normal because I have always had a history of low iron and it has not been checked since I stopped eating meat. But lo and behold, it was good :) YAY ME!!
So here is the plan. Yes, there is a plan!
In a couple of weeks (sometimes before my next AF) I will have a teleconference appointment with Dr.L that is an hour long and will entail him explaining everything there is for us to know about IVF and what we will be going through. We will sign our consent forms and then arrange our $500 deposit (peanuts compared to the amount that we will be forking out). Then we will arrange another teleconference appointment with the nurse to go over how to do the injections and all of that fun stuff.
Then when AF arrives in early November (today is CD6, the countdown is ON) then I will start BCP and daily injections. And when AF arrives in December we will begin the hardcore IVF. I will travel to the city where the clinic is for 10 days and we will do all of the bloodwork, ultrasounds, tests, Egg Retrieval and Embryo transfer in that time.
So December it is. Hopefully we will have a test date close to Christmas and we will get good news. Honestly, that would be the only thing that could cure this Scrooge!
It is overwhelming and crazy to think how quickly this is all going to happen. But we are ready and even though I will have a few meltdowns from now until then and then when the hormone injections I am sure I will be a crazy bitch but it will all be worth it in the end.
::deep breaths::
So here is a brief rundown.
All of my test results came back normal! Woot woot! I was surprised actually that my Iron came back normal because I have always had a history of low iron and it has not been checked since I stopped eating meat. But lo and behold, it was good :) YAY ME!!
So here is the plan. Yes, there is a plan!
In a couple of weeks (sometimes before my next AF) I will have a teleconference appointment with Dr.L that is an hour long and will entail him explaining everything there is for us to know about IVF and what we will be going through. We will sign our consent forms and then arrange our $500 deposit (peanuts compared to the amount that we will be forking out). Then we will arrange another teleconference appointment with the nurse to go over how to do the injections and all of that fun stuff.
Then when AF arrives in early November (today is CD6, the countdown is ON) then I will start BCP and daily injections. And when AF arrives in December we will begin the hardcore IVF. I will travel to the city where the clinic is for 10 days and we will do all of the bloodwork, ultrasounds, tests, Egg Retrieval and Embryo transfer in that time.
So December it is. Hopefully we will have a test date close to Christmas and we will get good news. Honestly, that would be the only thing that could cure this Scrooge!
It is overwhelming and crazy to think how quickly this is all going to happen. But we are ready and even though I will have a few meltdowns from now until then and then when the hormone injections I am sure I will be a crazy bitch but it will all be worth it in the end.
::deep breaths::
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Almost-Wordless Wednesday
The "almost" part: I never do a Wordless Wednesday. I always have to say something. Plus it would be weekly pictures of Roxy taking a nap or me sitting in front of webcam. Not as exciting as those with adorable babies who grow constantly and do funny and awesome things.
But we got our family pictures taken yesterday. One good thing about SIL is that she does photography as a hobby so all of this was free and I got to hang out with my niece in between photo locations. LOVE.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Messing up lyrics
We've all been there. Singing lyrics to a song when they don't quite make sense but we are certain that is what they are saying in the song.
I am guilty of it. When I was a kid I sang "Bad Moon Rising"
Actual lyrics: There's a bad moon on the rise
What I sang: There's a bathroom on the right
D is bad with lyrics. Bad. He very very rarely gets them right and I love to listen and laugh while he sings along. Here are some examples (and really I think I could make this a regular segment in my blog)
California Girls
Actual lyrics: California girls, we're undeniable
What D sings: God damn boys and girls, la la la la la la la
Boys of Summer
Actual lyrics: I can see you, your brown skin shining in the sun
What D sings: I can feel you, your friends keep shining in the sun
I am guilty of it. When I was a kid I sang "Bad Moon Rising"
Actual lyrics: There's a bad moon on the rise
What I sang: There's a bathroom on the right
D is bad with lyrics. Bad. He very very rarely gets them right and I love to listen and laugh while he sings along. Here are some examples (and really I think I could make this a regular segment in my blog)
California Girls
Actual lyrics: California girls, we're undeniable
What D sings: God damn boys and girls, la la la la la la la
Boys of Summer
Actual lyrics: I can see you, your brown skin shining in the sun
What D sings: I can feel you, your friends keep shining in the sun
My potential new neighbors!
While I was away, D called to inform me that his sister loved the house down the street and they put in an offer. That offer was accepted (though there is some kind of condition)
Let me give you an overview of my relationship with my ILs. It blows hot and cold. My SIL is not my favorite person in the world. While we get along for the most part we have certainly had our arguments, fights and snarkiness. One thing about my SIL and my MIL is that in their minds the sun rises and sets on D. They are a close family and I like that. My family is close too but this borders on too much.
If you checked our caller ID on any given day you would see a minimum of 5 calls from MIL and 5 calls from SIL. A MINIMUM. And that is on our house phone, not including D's cell phone. It's just too much sometimes. Do you realize how hard it will be for me to screen calls and pretend I am not home when SIL is just down the street and can tell if the truck is in the driveway?
Good side? There is a pool at this house. That's all I got.
And my hope to get that job offer out of town has increased by numbers I cannot describe.
Oh and have a I mentioned that I have a strong dislike for D's BIL? (note that I call him D's BIL and not my BIL) He is weird and creepy and makes inappropriate and rude joke and in my opinion he is a terrible father, especially to his daughter from a previous relationship who is essentially an unwanted nuisance in their lives and they make no attempt to make her feel otherwise.
My dear friend, alcohol, will help me get through.
Let me give you an overview of my relationship with my ILs. It blows hot and cold. My SIL is not my favorite person in the world. While we get along for the most part we have certainly had our arguments, fights and snarkiness. One thing about my SIL and my MIL is that in their minds the sun rises and sets on D. They are a close family and I like that. My family is close too but this borders on too much.
If you checked our caller ID on any given day you would see a minimum of 5 calls from MIL and 5 calls from SIL. A MINIMUM. And that is on our house phone, not including D's cell phone. It's just too much sometimes. Do you realize how hard it will be for me to screen calls and pretend I am not home when SIL is just down the street and can tell if the truck is in the driveway?
Good side? There is a pool at this house. That's all I got.
And my hope to get that job offer out of town has increased by numbers I cannot describe.
Oh and have a I mentioned that I have a strong dislike for D's BIL? (note that I call him D's BIL and not my BIL) He is weird and creepy and makes inappropriate and rude joke and in my opinion he is a terrible father, especially to his daughter from a previous relationship who is essentially an unwanted nuisance in their lives and they make no attempt to make her feel otherwise.
My dear friend, alcohol, will help me get through.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Taking on the whirlwind one day at a time
Everything seems to be exploding and happening all at once.
Let me try to explain without being too confusing. We will start with job stuff.
1- As we know I am switching departments here at the hospital, the new job will still be part time. I am scheduled to start there next week. (we will refer to this job as 'new hospital job')
2- Remember the lab job that I interviewed for in September and it went really really well and there was talk about more opportunities in a different town? Well the strangest thing happened last week. I got a letter saying that I did not get the job that I applied for. But then I got a call asking for a reference check, education check and criminal record check. I could only guess that they are doing this for the other opportunity in the other town but I am not sure. I do know that they contacted my boss and she said she gave me a glowing reference. This is a job that I really really really want. This is a town that I really really really want to live in. (we will refer to this job as 'OOT lab job')
3- You may also remember a while back, I applied for a full time job here at the hospital and I did not get it because someone with more seniority who nobody expected to do so, swooped in and decided to take the job. I got over that. No biggie. (We will refer to that job as 'full time hospital job')
Ok, you got that straight?
So, on Friday I called home to check my messages and there was a message from the hospital HR department. I called her back but we were not able to touch base with each other before the weekend. I didn't think much of it and thought it would be in regards to the new hospital job.
Well, when I got home yesterday I learned from someone I know at the hospital that the girl who took the full time hospital job did not pass her probation period and she has to go back to her previous job. So now I am wondering if that is why the HR department was calling me on Friday. I would have been the next in line for that job.
So then I was momentarily torn. What would I do? I would feel bad accepting a full time position here and then getting trained only to quit for a different job. But at the end of the day I have to look out for #1 and there has not yet been an offer for the OOT lab job and so in the event that I do get an offer for the full time hospital job, I will accept it and go from there. One day at a time.
Then on top of all of this, we see Dr. L on Thursday. I will get all of my test results and then we will decide when to start the IVF process. We are good to start ASAP. So we will see what Dr. L says.
So, needless to say. My head is spinning.
All really great things, I hope this didn't come off as a whine. I know this is a good dilemma to have. So my head is spinning in a good way.
Stay tuned.........
*****UPDATE: I just got offered the Full time hospital job! So I accepted. I have to do what's best for me at the current time. If I get another offer then I will weight out those decisions. YAY! FULL TIME JOB!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let me try to explain without being too confusing. We will start with job stuff.
1- As we know I am switching departments here at the hospital, the new job will still be part time. I am scheduled to start there next week. (we will refer to this job as 'new hospital job')
2- Remember the lab job that I interviewed for in September and it went really really well and there was talk about more opportunities in a different town? Well the strangest thing happened last week. I got a letter saying that I did not get the job that I applied for. But then I got a call asking for a reference check, education check and criminal record check. I could only guess that they are doing this for the other opportunity in the other town but I am not sure. I do know that they contacted my boss and she said she gave me a glowing reference. This is a job that I really really really want. This is a town that I really really really want to live in. (we will refer to this job as 'OOT lab job')
3- You may also remember a while back, I applied for a full time job here at the hospital and I did not get it because someone with more seniority who nobody expected to do so, swooped in and decided to take the job. I got over that. No biggie. (We will refer to that job as 'full time hospital job')
Ok, you got that straight?
So, on Friday I called home to check my messages and there was a message from the hospital HR department. I called her back but we were not able to touch base with each other before the weekend. I didn't think much of it and thought it would be in regards to the new hospital job.
Well, when I got home yesterday I learned from someone I know at the hospital that the girl who took the full time hospital job did not pass her probation period and she has to go back to her previous job. So now I am wondering if that is why the HR department was calling me on Friday. I would have been the next in line for that job.
So then I was momentarily torn. What would I do? I would feel bad accepting a full time position here and then getting trained only to quit for a different job. But at the end of the day I have to look out for #1 and there has not yet been an offer for the OOT lab job and so in the event that I do get an offer for the full time hospital job, I will accept it and go from there. One day at a time.
Then on top of all of this, we see Dr. L on Thursday. I will get all of my test results and then we will decide when to start the IVF process. We are good to start ASAP. So we will see what Dr. L says.
So, needless to say. My head is spinning.
All really great things, I hope this didn't come off as a whine. I know this is a good dilemma to have. So my head is spinning in a good way.
Stay tuned.........
*****UPDATE: I just got offered the Full time hospital job! So I accepted. I have to do what's best for me at the current time. If I get another offer then I will weight out those decisions. YAY! FULL TIME JOB!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, October 3, 2010
5K Run for the Cure
I am home!!
I did my 5 kilometer CIBC Run for the Cure today. It went great! My sister wanted to give up at one point and I gave her the little push she needed and we both ran the whole way, it was great!!!
The day is always so emotional. There are a ton of breast cancer survivors there and people write on their shirts who they are running for. It is very sad and moving and emotional!
So here are some pictures!
On my way home I made the attempt to take some pictures of the fall leaves. They didn't turn out nearly as beautiful and vibrant as they were. Oh well.
I did my 5 kilometer CIBC Run for the Cure today. It went great! My sister wanted to give up at one point and I gave her the little push she needed and we both ran the whole way, it was great!!!
The day is always so emotional. There are a ton of breast cancer survivors there and people write on their shirts who they are running for. It is very sad and moving and emotional!
So here are some pictures!
On my way home I made the attempt to take some pictures of the fall leaves. They didn't turn out nearly as beautiful and vibrant as they were. Oh well.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
A good chat
I am currently visiting my sister, BIL and niece and nephew. Tomorrow is the CIBC Run for the Cure. I will be running 5K tomorrow morning. I have raised $1340.00 in support of breast cancer research. I am pretty proud of that total, last year I raised $1010.00.
YAY ME!!!!
Anyway, so yesterday I was chatting with my sister about our T-TTC, about our upcoming appointment with Dr. L on Thursday and how we will start to set our IVF plan in motion. In our chats I mentioned to my sister about some very unsuportive things that our other sister has said to me. Just some odd things that have hurt me and made me feel like she either thinks I am faking my problems or that they are not as serious as they actually are.
Then I said that sometimes I feel like my mom feels the same way. My mom and I are not close. My mother had a hard childhood and in turn she has always been very closed off and unaffectionate. To this day, at 28 (almost 29) years of age, it is rare to hear my mother tell me she loves me and even then when she does, it is awkward.
By no means is she a terrible mother, she is just a closed off person and very harsh. It's just the way she is.
My oldest sister on the other hand has a very different relationship with my mom. They are very close, they always have been. They talk all the time. And my sister assured me that my mom is very torn abotu this whole thing. She said that she feels awful about it, she wants to give us money, she wants to ask me questions and help me.
But then, why doesn't she? I have been pushing myself to be more open about this whole thing. I have been so closed off and so silent for so long and now people feel like they need to walk on eggshells around me and I don't want that.
But it is what it is.
Maybe my mom will be able to come out of her shell with me soon and we can have a serious talk about what is happening. I opened the door for her and my dad. I told them that I am available to answer questions, I can help them to wrap their head around this. My entire family is a bunch of fertile myrtles so I think it is hard for them to wrap their heads around the whole thing. But I opened the door for them to approach me and just hope that if they have those questions that they take the step through the metaphorical door and ask me those questions.
So the chat with my sister was good. We talked about so much more than that but it was good to know that my mom's closed-offedness (is that a real word?) is not her not caring, it is her way of trying to be sensitive to me.
Funny how you spin things in your own head.
YAY ME!!!!
Anyway, so yesterday I was chatting with my sister about our T-TTC, about our upcoming appointment with Dr. L on Thursday and how we will start to set our IVF plan in motion. In our chats I mentioned to my sister about some very unsuportive things that our other sister has said to me. Just some odd things that have hurt me and made me feel like she either thinks I am faking my problems or that they are not as serious as they actually are.
Then I said that sometimes I feel like my mom feels the same way. My mom and I are not close. My mother had a hard childhood and in turn she has always been very closed off and unaffectionate. To this day, at 28 (almost 29) years of age, it is rare to hear my mother tell me she loves me and even then when she does, it is awkward.
By no means is she a terrible mother, she is just a closed off person and very harsh. It's just the way she is.
My oldest sister on the other hand has a very different relationship with my mom. They are very close, they always have been. They talk all the time. And my sister assured me that my mom is very torn abotu this whole thing. She said that she feels awful about it, she wants to give us money, she wants to ask me questions and help me.
But then, why doesn't she? I have been pushing myself to be more open about this whole thing. I have been so closed off and so silent for so long and now people feel like they need to walk on eggshells around me and I don't want that.
But it is what it is.
Maybe my mom will be able to come out of her shell with me soon and we can have a serious talk about what is happening. I opened the door for her and my dad. I told them that I am available to answer questions, I can help them to wrap their head around this. My entire family is a bunch of fertile myrtles so I think it is hard for them to wrap their heads around the whole thing. But I opened the door for them to approach me and just hope that if they have those questions that they take the step through the metaphorical door and ask me those questions.
So the chat with my sister was good. We talked about so much more than that but it was good to know that my mom's closed-offedness (is that a real word?) is not her not caring, it is her way of trying to be sensitive to me.
Funny how you spin things in your own head.
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