Day 15 of 30 Days

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.

Day 14 of 30 Days

Day 14 - A picture of the cast from your favourite TV show.

Well, I cannot pick just one. So I am bending the rules again

A quick update

Because I have the video blog going, I don't write as much here.

Here is an IVF update:

I arrived on Thursday in the city for my IVF. Thankfully, my sister joined me for the weekend. She is gone now though and I am feeling pretty lonely and sad.

I went to the clinic on Friday, had bloodwork and picked up my Puregon. Later in the day the nurse called to tell me the bloodwork came back good and she adjusted my Lupron and told me I could start my Puregon that night. So I have been taking the Puregon along with the Lupron since Friday evening. The headaches have gotten worse, the Puregon burns after I give the shot and the forgetfulness is beginning and is frustrating. But it all needs to be done, I am not complaining just stating the facts.

I got back to the clinic on Tuesday for more bloodwork, a re-aquaintance with my boyfriend, the dildo cam, and a meeting with the doctor and nurse to see how everything is progressing and how my body is reacting to the medication.

I can't believe I am here. It's pretty unbelievable.

Day 13 of 30 Days

Day 13 - A picture of something you crave alot.

Chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate. 

Day 12 of 30 Days

Day 12 - A picture of something you love.

The outdoors. I am lucky enough to live in an area where I can enjoy so many activities outdoors like camping, fishing, hiking, picnics, swimming and so much more. I love it. 

Day 11 od 30 Days

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.

The sound of people chewing. ICK!

 

Day 10 of 30 Days

Day 10 - Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad.

Happy: Raise Your Glass- Pink

Sad: There You'll Be- Faith Hill

Bored: Tupac Shakur

Hyped: Body Bounce- Kardinall Offishall

Mad: I am too mad to worry about music. 


 

Copied from the other blog

This is a C&P of what I posted in my other blog: ivfjournals.blogspot.com



Sorry but I don't have time to do a video. By the time it uploads and all that crap, I just don't have time.

I am leaving today. It is 6:42am and I am sitting here crying over my peanut butter toast because I have never been away from my dog for longer than a week. I can't believe that the day is already here. Tomorrow morning I have to be at the clinic at about 7:30am and then I get some tests, my scheduling appointment and a meeting with a doctor. I am beyond emotional!


Last night my mom came over and handed me an envelope with money in it. I argued with her that I didn't want to take her money, she cried because she said she just wanted to be able to help somehow. Then said "I get to be the first grandma to hold the baby, ok???" She's funny.

D and I appreciate the help so much and really were not expecting it. Later I got a call from a friend to wish me luck and tell me she loves me. Then another friend gave me a card wishing me luck. THEN another friend gave me a card with a $100 Visa gift card to help with expenses. I couldn't believe it!! I am so fortunate to be surrounded by such amazing people. And even though some days I feel like I am all alone in the world and that my friends are not as close as they once were....they are there when I need them the most and I am so lucky for that.

Aaaaaaand here come the waterworks again.

So today's agenda: Work all day until 4. D will drive me to a city about 2.5 hours away where we will meet my sister, then I will hop in with her and we will make our way to the city where the RE is where I will spend the next 2+ weeks. D will join me next Friday.

I will be vlogging and blogging while I am there and keeping you all updated on what's going on.


Wish me luck!!!!!

Day 8 of 30 Days

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.

 

This is my friend. Wearing a fur coat with no shirt on, at the bar. 

There is a backstory but I will leave it at that. 

HAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

Day 7 of 30 Days

Day 07 - A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you.

Even though there are 3 pictures, they combine as one. If I had never stumbled across the bump and BOTB I would have never learned about my own body, about charting, about TTC. And if I had never found T-TTC and BOTB I would have never insisted on being referred to a RE.

This journey would have gone a whole lot differently if I had not found the group of amazing women that I found. 

Day 6 of 30 Days

Day 06 - Favorite super hero and why.

I am not a fan of Day 6. I don't have a favorite super hero. When I was a kid I am sure I did. I remember watching Shera and thinking she was so amazing and I also remember wanting to wear this Wonder Woman costume every year for Halloween from this place where we used to rent our costumes from but my mom would never let me because where I come from, Halloween costumes must fit over snowsuits most years.


Of course I loved the girl Super Heroes. I am a girl and when they kick ass, I love it! But today, at the ripe old age of 29 when I read today's topic my first thought was ROCKY BALBOA! No, he is not technically a "Super Hero" but he sure is in my eyes. As we all know, I loves me some Rocky.


So in honor of all of my so called favorite super heroes:

Day 5 of 30 Days

Day 05 - A picture of somewhere you've been to.

I wanted to put a picture of Las Vegas here but since I had a picture from my Vegas album just the other day, I will put some (yes, I know it said a picture but I am bending the rules) from trips to Cuba, since the readers of this blog are mostly American and cannot set foot in Cuba. 

 

Day 4 of 30 Days

Day 04 - A habit that you wish you didn't have.

(Only Day 4 and I am already 1 day late! HAHA)

Facebook games. I play too many of them and it really puts a wrench in my plans to be productive. Many games have come and gone out of my daily routine like Farmville, Yoville, Cafe World, Price is Right, Happy Aquarium and others. But they usually get replaced with games like Wheel of Fortune, Family Feud, Color Balls, Frontierville.

It's a sickness, really.  

An IVF update

For those of you who do not follow my video blog, here is an update on what if happening in the IVF process.

I started my Lupron injections on Monday. D did my first one and then I have done the rest. My technique is a little shaky but is improving with each injection so that is a plus. In 1 week from today I will be there. I have bloodwork, start my Puregon, have my scheduling appointment and get comfy in the city where I will be spending the following 2+ weeks. D will join me the following Friday. My sister is going to come with my and spend next weekend there with me so I am very excited about that, I will have some company and we can go shopping and to movies and do fun things.

The side effects from the Lupron were not hitting me but today I feel pretty moody and weepy and I have a headache. I feel a little groggy and fuzzy in the head. I am planning a nap after work to see if that helps. I told D that I think the side effects were starting, that I was weepy and I would like a nap after work. His reply? "Ok, you have a nap and I will go get the groceries. You do what you need" I said "Welcome to walking on eggshells" to which he replied "I am not too worried"

That is one good man that I married. We'll see how long I feel this way though. ;)



See more at: ivfjournals.blogspot.com

Day 3 of 30 Days

Day 03 - A picture of you and your friends.

You will all laugh at me now after last weekend's whining about not having and close girl friends. I do have friends, many of them but what I was talking about is that closeness that you feel with someone who you are comfortable sharing anything with. I miss that a lot. 

This is me with some of my friends in Las Vegas, the night of my friend's wedding. 

 

Day 2

Day 02 - The meaning behind your Facebook status.

Today's FB status is: (Dee) thinks Tony Parker is an idiot! You were married to EVA LONGORIA you douche!!

The meaning? Well, it was announced today that Eva Longoria is filing for divorce because Tony cheated on her. 
Seriously, Tony? You cheated on this???

What an idiot!! 

She better not go the route of Kobe's wife and magically forgive him over a large piece of jewelry. What Tony may not realize is that if Eva wants a big honking 'I'm sorry' diamond, she can buy it for herself! As in, I am sorry I ever married that douche nozzle and took his last name. 

Tony Parker, you are an scum bag. Now please join your friend Jesse James in Dee's hall of Douches!

30 Days

In an effort to make this blog more interesting, or at least introduce some variety to it, I stole this game from a FB friend.

It's called 30 Days and it makes you post a picture or note with a certain 'theme' each day for 30 days.

Here are the topics:

Day 01 - A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 02 - The meaning behind your Facebook status.
Day 03 - A picture of you and your friends.
Day 04 - A habit that you wish you didn't have.
Day 05 - A picture of somewhere you've been to.
Day 06 - Favorite super hero and why.
Day 07 - A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09 - Something you're proud of in the past few days.
Day 10 - Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad.
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.
Day 12 - A picture of something you love.
Day 13 - A picture of something you crave alot.
Day 14 - A picture of the cast from your favourite TV show.
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16 - A picture of your favourite food.
Day 17 - Nicknames you have.
Day 18 - A picture of your favourite actress.
Day 19 - Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play.
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.
Day 21 - Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future.
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25 - A picture of your day.
Day 26 - A picture of you last year and now.
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of.
Day 29 - A picture of what you were for Halloween.
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss.

So here is my DAY 1

The most recent picture I have of just me that I am not in my Halloween costume. (from the Run for the Cure)

I guess whether or not these are interesting will be up for debate but here goes:

1. I love Muhammed Ali. LOVE him
2. I am covered in birthmarks and have one on my head that makes my hair curly/frizzy, thicker and some sporadic greys on the right side of my head only.
3. I have only ever seen the 1st Harry Potter movie
4. I became an aunt at age 11 (almost 12)
5. As a teenager I imagined naming my future son Anfernee. (after the NBA player)
6. I used to be obsessed with the Spice Girls. My friends and I would each 'play' one of the girls and then dance around acting like them
7. I am a pushover and let many people walk all over me. I am getting better but I have a long way to go
8. During puberty I got horrific migraine headaches (causing delirium, vomiting and basically leaving me paralyzed) and had to go for EEGs and CT scans and see neurologists but nobody could pinpoint why it was happening. When I got my period, the migraines stopped.
9. I share a birthday with Julia Roberts
10. I had 2 imaginary friends as a child. They were twins but I never played with each of them together so it made me suspicious that it was only 1 girl.
11. My first job was at McDonald's and it was probably one of the most stressful jobs I ever had. Hungry fast foodies are demanding!!!
12. I was 23 years old when I first stepped foot on a plane
13. I once spent a birthday in the hospital getting my tonsils out
14. I don't remember a time growing up when we didn't have at least 1 dog
15. My skin is so sensitive. Things that cause me rashes include: polysporin, vitamin E and band-aids.

Why not make it a 3-part series?

Let's wrap up my need to act like an insecure teenager.

So I decided to force myself a little harder on my friend. I asked her again about lunch, when she finally got back to me she claimed that her phone had died and she didn't get my texts about lunch. I am quite certain that was a lie but whatever. So I said "I have a card for you, I will bring it by"

We visited and chatted for at least an hour and I left my card there. Later in the evening she called me to thank me for the card and then invited me to another friends house where everyone was getting together. I was at a hockey game but I decided to meet up with them all anyway. I enjoyed it. So I felt much better last night.

My emotions are so out of whack.

I am wondering though if my friend thought because of everything that is going on with us that maybe I am not the right person to turn to about her problems.

The card I got her read something along these lines:

L,

I just want to wish you lots of luck with your appointment and testing this week. I will be thinking of you guys and sending you so much positivity and luck and I look forward to hearing promising news. I know this is a really stressful time and if I can help to ease even a little of that stress just say the word and I will do it. I am always here for you no matter what!

Dee xoxo

The lonely feeling part 2

Just a little update on what is up.

I am getting to the point where I am just going to stop making an effort, you know? I am sick of this. I try and try and try and try and get nowhere.

So I asked said friend to get together last night, I kept it casual. She says she can't because she is spending time with her mom. I get it, that's fine. But I still feel like I am being blown off AGAIN. So I text back (and after we have been texting back and forth all day and she hasn't missed one reply) and ask her if she'd like to do lunch today then, I say 'I feel like we never see each other anymore and it sucks' No reply.

None. Not even a lame blow off excuse again. I don't know what to do.

She is going through a lot and while part of me wants to just say "FUCK IT!!" a bigger part of me cares for her too much and wants to be there for her. She and her husband have an appointment with a specialist this week for some testing to find out why she keeps losing babies. I want nothing but good things for them and I want to be here for her and wish her well but she wont let me in.

I just wonder what I did? Last weekend when I tried (AGAIN) to make plans with her she agreed that we haven't seen each other much and needed to get together soon but then she makes no effort to make plans.

I know I sound like a whiny baby but it's hard. My friendships are very important to me and I know all relationships require some work but at what point does it just not become worth it anymore?

I am leaving in 2 weeks to go to the city for my IVF and I would really like to know that I have a strong support system behind me when I need to talk or cry or vent and right now I don't feel like I have that.

So, I will keep trying but it's like getting your heart broken when the people who you want to surround yourself with act like they don't want you around.

(though after reading this whiny post, you are probably thinking-I wouldn't want you around either! I swear I am fun, funny and very supportive.)

The lonely feeling

I have posted before about my sadness about not having that connection with another woman, a friend.

The girl friends that I do have are impossible to make plans with lately. I am putting so much effort out there to try and get together with them but they are not reciprocating and how much can you put out there before you just become so sick of always being the one to make the effort that you just stop?!

It is so frustrating.

The invite is out tonight to get together with my girl friend. She has been distant lately, I know she is dealing with so much right now and I just want to be there for her but I just feel like she is pushing me away.

I am sure I am creating a lot of this in my head. I just miss the simple days of high school when I had a best friend who I spoke to several times a day and who I trusted and who wanted to be around me.

3 years ago today

I got married.

I married a wonderful man.

The day was wonderful.

We laughed, we cried, we danced, we drank, we ate.

I am a lucky woman and I am happy to say that 3 years ago I married my best friend, my soul mate, the "one"

What kind of attention whore would I be without posting a ton of pictures??

I can't help it

I am a bad blogger. I post like crazy on my video blog but I have nothing of value to say on this blog. My every thought is consumed by IVF and I can't help it.

I annoy myself at how much I think about IVF, I really do. So I can't imagine having 2 blogs dedicated to my IVF journey yet, here I am posting about it again.

I am sorry blog readers, if there are any of you left, I hope to come up with something worthy to talk about soon.

The new job is still good, it's busy and crazy and I wish I had more time to spend with my friends on the interwebz but I guess making money and working for a living is important too, right?

And back to IVF: our education appointment is tomorrow. I will post about that on my video blog but on here? It will be all about our anniversary, which is tomorrow. 3 years. Get ready for some wedding pics!

Puppysitting

Today and tonight I am puppy sitting for my mom.

She recently got this sweet little Shitzu(sp?) baby named Mika (Mee-ka). She is super cute and precious. Roxy is less than impressed though.

I just took them both for a walk and now they are both snoozing away. Mika on a towel on the couch because she got a little wet and dirty on the walk and Roxy on the floor.


So cute!!

(that is my laptop cord near Roxy on the floor)

Volleyball

I have not had too much to say. I have had tons to say about IVF but I worry that I am redundant and boring.

So I will talk about volleyball. A few weeks ago I was convinced to come out and play a fun night of mixed competitive volley ball. I am not a horrible volleyball player but I am certainly no (insert pro volleyballer here).

I was worried that I would be so far out of my league that people would be ashamed to play with me. But I have been holding my own. I am by far not the worst one out there but also by far not the best either. And I have a blast!!!!

I only have a couple of more weeks that I can play before I go to the big city for 2 weeks for my IVF so I am going to enjoy it while I can and then hopefully I will get pregnant and I can come back to playing again next year.

So I planned to post about volleyball and somehow IVF sneaks its way in. This is a daily thing with me. With any plans in the near or distant future IVF and pregnancy and baby plays a roll in the decision making process.

Oy.

Playing catch up

I will start with the IVF update and move on to Halloween pictures, sound good? No. Too bad, it's my blog!

So after being told by an apparent douche nozzle at the fertility clinic that we might not be able to start this month (and me trying to figure out several ways to punch through a phone) I was able to calm down and just remember that Dr. L told us that we WERE starting now and that this person was not familiar with my file or my situation. Deep breaths were necessary.

So first thing Monday morning I called Dr. L's assistant, Linda. Have I ever mentioned how much I love this woman? A woman who I have never seen but that I love very very much? She is fantastic. She is always very pleasant and helpful and you never have to remind her just who you are when you call, she just seems to know as soon as you say "It's Dee calling" (of course substitute Dee for my actual first and last name here)

Linda got everything all settled and she even apologized for the dolt on the weekend. I know it is not nice for me to call her a dolt but when the head RE of the clinic is my doctor and he tells me I am starting now and tells me to call in with my Day 1, please don't contradict that, bitch! I will strangle you with my right tube (it has to be useful for something, right?)

So here's the scoop: I started BCP today. I will start the first set of injections on Nov 15 ('your side effects will be similar to those of a woman going through menopause' says the nurse.) and then I have to be in the city where the clinic is for a little over 2 weeks starting November 26th. The Egg retrieval (ER) and Embryo Transfer (ET) will happen on the week of December 6th.

Holyshitfuck, this is really happening!
Another link to my video journal because when the hormones start, they could start to get very interesting ;) http://ivfjournals.blogspot.com/  <-----click that

And now on to my Halloween weekend. We had a BLAST getting our costumes together. Everyone had some great ones! It was a lot of fun.

I was Rocky Balboa and D was Ron Burgundy. Lots of fun! I made up my black eye myself. It looked pretty good!