I have been meaning to write this post for a few days but time has eluded me. So here it is.
I got drunk on Saturday. The wedding offered an open bar and I took advantage. My plan was to be starting the FET soon after so I was not going to drink. But the FET got postponed and I still had my period (the last very very light day) so I drank. And I got drunk. And I felt guilty afterwards. I have no need to feel guilty, I am not in treatment yet and I am about a month away from it so it is perfectly fine. I wasn't falling down drunk or anything, but I was feeling tipsy and in no pain. Hopefully it was the last HOORAH for a while.
D showed his first signs of bitterness this past weekend. D is patient, kind, loving and has been absolutely amazing throughout this who IF ordeal. I have a distant cousin who is young and immature. She recently had an OOPS baby. She smoked through her pregnancy and I am always giving her the side eye. Well she and her bf were at the wedding. He bf is apparently 19 or 20 but he honestly looks about 15 years old and I am not exagerating. Well once D found out that he was the baby daddy, he was giving him the bitter glare all night. And then at one point he said "HE LOOKS 13 AND HE IS A DAD??? UGH DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED"
It broke myheart quite a bit but also made me feel like less of a monster when I feel those bitter and jealous feelings towards other people.
Father's day was hard. But thankfully we spent the day travelling back home, just the 2 of us. I envisioned next year's Father's day and hoped that next year we (meaning me and BABY) will be making a nice breakfast for D. I have these dreams every year on key holidays and important days and then the next year rolls around and I have to hope once again for the next year. (Mother's day 2009 will be different...Easter 2010 we will have a little bunny of our own....Maybe I will be pregnant for the family reunion in 2011....Father's Day 2012 will be a great day)
Also, I start to pee on OPKs tomorrow for the 2nd mock cycle. Think good cycle thoughts for me.
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