Life has been a whirlwind lately. Work has been absolutely nuts leaving me exhausted. I was sick for a week and my training for a half marathon has fallen way way behind and I need a new kick in the ass to get me going again cause I am feeling like a sloth these days.
On top of being crazy busy, I am also feeling crazy sad and while I am doing some counseling, I really don't feel like talking to her about it. It sucks. The reason I am doing counseling is to be able to open up to someone about all of this but yet I don't feel comfortable enough in front of the counselor to break down and really talk about things. I also feel like because I am on auto shut down at all times she thinks that I am fine and strong and that she probably wonders why I am even going to counseling. I am dreading my next appointment because I have been feeling so down lately.
I feel like I don't fit in anywhere anymore. I am not in party mode with my young, childless friends and I am not planning playdates with my friends and their children. I am stuck in my basement under my blanket crying all alone. I don't even want to talk to D about it but he knows something is not right. I don't hug him or kiss him anymore. I don't say I love you. And sex? Well let's just say the last time we had sex was in 2010.
::sigh::
Give yourself a break. You have a lot of transitions going on and are trying to deal with something very traumatic and emotional in your life.
ReplyDeleteTry to give in a little with the counselor. I'm sure she knows there is something underneath but is trying to give you time to be comfortable with her before pushing you to open up.
big hugs.