Today is not one of those days.
Yes, I had a fine day. Nothing out of the ordinary, nothing to make me upset. But some days I just think more than others and I find myself sensitive to some things more than others. Lately I have been thinking a lot about how far along I would be had I not miscarried. I don't actually know the exact time line and I am glad about this. I put that out of my mind after I should have been 10 weeks.
Today is Easter which means that people are posting their Easter pictures on facebook. I found myself looking at pictures of kids who were babies when we started TTC or pictures of toddlers who were in utero when we started conceiving or better yet, pictures of toddlers who were not even conceived when we started TTC.
Our TTC journey has been a different one. I know many people take TTC breaks but we took a couple. We first started TTC in 2008 and took 2 short breaks(in total we were TTC for 5 cycles that year). Since our wedding in 2007 we have not used protection. We started officially TTC "with no more breaks" in April 2009. So I guess coming up on our 1 year of non-stop TTC is really bothering me as well.
15 cycles later (this is the number of cycles that we have been actuively TTC when you subtract from the number of months that were eaten up by the pregnancy and miscarriage) and still nothing to show for it except a few charts and a broken heart.
I have to remain hopeful that it will happen for us but my hope diminishes a little more with every missed cycle. I know I am meant to be a mother and I hope that someday this dream becomes a reality.
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