The lonely feeling part 2

Just a little update on what is up.

I am getting to the point where I am just going to stop making an effort, you know? I am sick of this. I try and try and try and try and get nowhere.

So I asked said friend to get together last night, I kept it casual. She says she can't because she is spending time with her mom. I get it, that's fine. But I still feel like I am being blown off AGAIN. So I text back (and after we have been texting back and forth all day and she hasn't missed one reply) and ask her if she'd like to do lunch today then, I say 'I feel like we never see each other anymore and it sucks' No reply.

None. Not even a lame blow off excuse again. I don't know what to do.

She is going through a lot and while part of me wants to just say "FUCK IT!!" a bigger part of me cares for her too much and wants to be there for her. She and her husband have an appointment with a specialist this week for some testing to find out why she keeps losing babies. I want nothing but good things for them and I want to be here for her and wish her well but she wont let me in.

I just wonder what I did? Last weekend when I tried (AGAIN) to make plans with her she agreed that we haven't seen each other much and needed to get together soon but then she makes no effort to make plans.

I know I sound like a whiny baby but it's hard. My friendships are very important to me and I know all relationships require some work but at what point does it just not become worth it anymore?

I am leaving in 2 weeks to go to the city for my IVF and I would really like to know that I have a strong support system behind me when I need to talk or cry or vent and right now I don't feel like I have that.

So, I will keep trying but it's like getting your heart broken when the people who you want to surround yourself with act like they don't want you around.

(though after reading this whiny post, you are probably thinking-I wouldn't want you around either! I swear I am fun, funny and very supportive.)