Still on the roller coaster.

As I see the end of the track nearing, I figure it is time to let the cat out of the bag and also to explain why I am so cautious about the whole thing.

I got a BFP. I actually got 2 of them. My first pee stick was the only one I had left in the house and of course it was a blue dye test. It must have been on sale cause why in the hell would I buy a blue dye test?

But before I continue, let's backtrack a couple of days. What the hell is this? An episode of How I Met Your Mother???

We all know that I had a bit of spotting and that on Saturday (Christmas Day) it became red.

Well Sunday morning it was full on light bleeding and it was scary. But we found out that vaginal bleeding is a side effect from the Endometrin. So off to google and to TheBump I went to gather some information and I realize that the bleeding is quite common with IVF and Endometrin. Ok, good. I can breathe a little. I even talked to the mother of beautiful twin girls who went through IVF who told me that she bled/spotted for 5 days and that she also experienced some cramps too and that it is all normal.

So I decided that as long as the blood stayed relatively light that I would POAS.

And now we are back to the start of the story. Monday (aka Yesterday) morning. I woke up pretty early and peed in a cup. I was still bleeding but decided I needed to do this. I open my cupboard only to find a blue dye pee stick, the last one. Shit. So I open it up, read the directions (because I haven't already done this a million times) and I dip it into the cup and count 25 seconds (the directions said 20 so I added 5 for luck). Then I took it out, recapped it and waited. To pass the time I read the FAQs in the pamphlet, while looking back at the pee stick every 5 seconds or so. After about 30-45 seconds. The + sign appeared. I waited a little longer and watched it get darker and darker.

Positive.

So I head upstairs and wake up D.
"Good morning. Are you awake?"

"Hi. Not really. Why?"

"Because the test was positive"

His eyes widened and he just grabbed me and held on to me.

Of course, I don't trust the blue test result so I throw on some clothes and head to the pharmacy and buy a 2-pack of FRER. I return home and dip one of the sticks into my pee cup. D and I stare at it and the line starts to show up pretty quickly. POSITIVE.

So now I am cautiously excited and start to relax just a little.

The rest of the day I tried to relax as much as possible, we spent the day with my family. I even squeezed in a nap. The bleeding stayed and the cramps increased and were mainly in my back and ute area and they were not pleasant. They left at certain points of the day but my back was very sore.

So I am cautiously excited. I hope so much that the bleeding and cramping is all normal IVF/Endometrin side effects.

I want to start off my being such a good Mom and providing this little embryo with a nice, thick, warm, happy environment for him or her to grow and thrive for the next 9 months. I want this little tiny embryo to know that I am holding out all hope for him or her to stay with me and to do whatever is necessary to me in order for him or her to be OK.

My betas will be drawn tomorrow, with the results getting back to me from the clinic most likely on Friday. I have everything crossed for a nice high number.



I love you, sweet tiny little Embryo. I love you very much and I will love you forever. Your dad and I are going to come up with a nickname for you and we will talk to you everyday until we get to see your perfect little face in 9 months. You get comfortable and you stay put. You give me everything you can and concentrate on growing and thriving and being healthy. Mama will take whatever you can throw at her with a smile as long as it means that I get to keep you.