I have been trying to keep my judgements to myself but after this fight I am letting it all out.
My sister who got married in December has an awful marriage. For the first couple of months of their marriage BIL was not working. He was drinking heavily, playing video games all day and really not trying to find a job. Because of this my sister had zero respect for him and they were stressed and fighting a lot. She said numerous times that she should have never married him.
So he finally got a job and things seemed to be getting a little better. But just as quickly as things started to improve they got worse too. He was still drinking and the fighting never really stopped. There were a few really bad fights where he packed his stuff and threatened to leave, he told her that he wasn't attracted to her anymore and that their marriage was a joke. She kept forgiving him and pretending like nothing happened. Time after time. He would verbally abuse her and say nasty, awful things to her and then he would just pretend like nothing happened the next day and she would just allow this to happen.
So then I find out that during all of this they were TTC the entire time. Because you know, bringing a baby into that mess is a great idea.
(that is the coles notes version of the entire mess)
So now we are on to today.
She informed me that her doctor is sending her for fertility testing. (all of this is on facebook chat)
They have been trying and only married for 5 MONTHS!!
She said that she told him they have been trying since December and he said "well sometimes it takes time" then she said that he came back in and said "I will order some tests and just say that you have been trying for over a year"
I ABSOLUTELY LOST IT!
First I said "wow, what a good doctor" ***insert massive eyeroll***
I said that was a huge waste of health care dollars and that she is taking time away from people who actually need the tests. Then she asked me what my problem is. And I told her that she has been trying for a mere 5 MONTHS and that does not mean they are infertile. Then she had the nerve to say "I know it is hard for you and I am sorry" so I told her that was not why I was upset.
She said "You are acting like you are paying for this out of your pocket" Well no... but the government is and I hate to see our health care taken advantage of.
I told her that fertility testing is not fun then before I said something about my feelings on her marriage I decided that I should end the conversation. So I took the very mature approach, told her to fuck off and logged off.
Then when I got home and had dinner and started to settle down I went back on facebook to find a message basically blaming my own Trouble TTC on my emotional reaction to this news, this infuriated me even more. She told me I had no right to judge her.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to make sure that everything is ok. I am not going to apologize for that...and you shouldn't expect me to. You are my sister and you should support my decisions. What if there is something wrong...and I wait for a year or two - then what?
You don't get to judge me, or my doctors choices.
Taking such a negative stance on this, when it in no way affects you makes me sick to my stomach. I have every right to ask the questions and to get the tests to make sure that there won't be any problems. And you have no right to treat me that way or be nasty to me...I don't deserve it.
So here is what I responded (the condensed version):
You have no right to try and tell me that you get what I have been through and what I am going through and you have no right to think that that is why I am upset.
I hope you enjoy the testing, it is awful. Especially when there actually is a reason for it and when something is wrong.
Don't you dare for one second think that I am upset about this because of the struggles that I have been through. You have NO IDEA what I have been through and don't you dare bring any of it up to me or try to blame my being upset on it.
If there was something wrong and you did have to wait a year or 2 to find that out... you know what that would be???
EVERY OTHER PERSON WHO HAS FERTILITY ISSUES!!! EVERY SINGLE ONE. I don't know who you think you are that makes you special enough to get special treatment.
I don't think you should be jumping to testing so quickly, I think it is selfish and a waste of government money and it is taking away from people who actually need it. Obviously we don't agree on that. but don't you dare ever think that this has to do with my own fertility struggles and blame it on that.
I just don't know what else to say. This has been an extremely long blog post and I could go on and on. Maybe I am overreacting but I am not just going to bite my tongue while she acts so selfishly and irresponsibly. She thinks that because she has had cervical cancer in the past that she should get special treatment.
Yes, cervical cancer is an awful thing to have. I, myself, have had a LEEP biopsy in the past. But honestly, if her doctor thought that this would cause problems for her in the TTC department then he would not have told her that he would lie about the amount of time that she has been TTC in order to get her testing and he would have said "You know, with your history I think it is wise that we do some testing sooner than later." and I would have accepted that.
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