Obsession x3 (update included)

So not only am I obsessing over my chart, which ff decided to give me 5 free days of VIP so I can obsess even harder.
I am also obsessing over the fact that we were supposed to hear about that job yesterday morning and it is now 3:12pm and I haven't heard anything yet. I am anxious and nervous about that and going over every little detail of the interview in my head.

PLUS I am also obsessing about my upcoming trip and running through everything that I need to do in my head before we leave on Friday morning.

I am exhausted. I slept like shit last night and I just tried to have a nap but someone called, normally I would ignore but when I saw that it was a private caller I was hoping it was the hospital about the job. Nope, it was a fucking telemarketer wanting to conduct a survey.

So now I am awake and obsessing.

Oh and I am also trying to talk myself out of testing tomorrow morning.

Good times.

***********UPDATE***********

And here is where I express my raw emotions.

I didn't get the job. They said they had to go with seniority on this. My first thought was who has more seniority than me? Then I remembered hearing a rumor that a full timer had applied. Of course she has every right to apply but it just makes me so frustrated, you have a full time job, let the rest of us have a  chance. I am bitter.

So I cried. I cried because I was really hopeful about getting the job. I cried because I was tired and cranky and emotional. I cried because I felt so worthless. I went to school and got a diploma in radio broadcasting, after a few years in the field I realized that it was not the career for me so I took a course in Phlebotomy (drawing blood) I loved working in the lab. After working there for a while someone who was sick came back to work and I got bumped down to only being guaranteed a shift and a half every 2 weeks. Who can live on that? So I got the second job at the registration desk. Then I started working like crazy, 18 days in a row, 10 days in a row. It became too much and I had to choose the job that gave me the most hours. So I left the lab and I miss it all the time.

After working for a while I decided to get my BA and then go to Teacher's College. We figured out how to do things so that I could still study, work and have a baby because we were TTC. But then I got pregnant and things were tight and since the baby was the #1 priority I decided to quit/postpone school for a while until things were better financially. Then I lost the baby.

So, that is why I cried. I cried because I have a worthless diploma, a part time job that I don't like, and I quit school for a baby that I don't have.

I felt rejected and worthless.

::sigh::

I just have to try and believe that maybe this happened for a reason. Maybe a better job will come available for me. Maybe a job in the Lab, I hope the manager is still working on getting some extra help there.