I wish I could accurately describe my SIL. I could try but it is one of those things where you have to know her to get it. Her and I have butt heads on several different occasions. D gets very upset when this happens because he and his sister are close and he hates when there is tension between his wife and his sister. And in all of that he defends her, he sticks up for her and he takes her side. She can bash me and say what she wants about me and he tries to ignore it so as to not cause a fight. But the second that she upsets me and I tell him about it he will jump to her defense. This not only makes me insanely angry but it hurts. Then in the end I end up being the bigger person and apologizing or looking the other way and I do this for him. It's BULLSHIT!
So the other night SIL was complaining about her partner at work (let's call her W). They either love each other or hate each other and I guess they currently hate each other. So she was going on talking about W and how she is such a big gossip and knows everything about everyone and blah blah blah. Then SIL says this to me: "She asks the dumbest most random questions to me like Do you go to the cottage every weekend? Do you parents go with you every time? Why doesn't these people have babies? Are those people going to start trying to have a baby? Oh and how are Dee and D doing?"
Immediately my back is up against the wall. Wait, why is she asking how we are doing? Why did you put that part in while you are talking about babies? How the FUCK does she know about us, whether it is my miscarriage or our trouble TTC? I wanted to ask all of these questions but mainly I wanted to strt crying. Because we were at MIL's and both our niece and nephew were there I did not want to cause a big scene and I knew that I would be emotionally charged and probably curse and scream and cry.
So when we got home I said to D. 'Listen, I would like you to ask your sister about this.(I explained what was said) just tell her that I was caught off guard by something she said. I know that you don't like us fighting so I am giving you the opportunity to ask her if she told W about this. And if she did then I know that everyone knows about it and I am not happy!!! I like to keep that stuff private and if she is going around telling people then I expect you to get upset because I will be very fucking upset! If you don't want to have this conversation with her then that is fine, I will do it but I am telling you, it is not going to end well"
So he said he would talk to her.
I really really like to keep this aspect of my life very private and if I choose to tell someone it is MY choice and MY story to tell.
Yesterday I asked him if he had talked to her yet. He said that he hadn't. So I said again "I will talk to her if you don't want to" to which he replied "BACK OFF!"
I lost it.
During the whole ordeal D has been amazing, he has held me numerous times while I cried, he has let me vent and he has been very supportive about it all. Then suddenly with 2 words I felt defeated, heart broken and totally alone. With those 2 words I felt that he did not take my feelings seriously, he was taking his sister's side again and he was also telling me that he didn't care.
I screamed at him. I have yet to forgive him no matter how many times he says sorry. I told him exactly how he made me feel by saying that and that I am extremely upset.
I cried before I went to sleep last night because I did feel all alone. He always reassured me that our trouble TTC was BOTH of our problem and not just mine (even though his reproductive system is perfect) and with 2 words I just felt so low and so sad and like I am alone on this journey. I am the one going for many appointments, getting procedures and surgeries, temping, checking CM, charting, obsessing. I feel alone.
::sigh::
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