Important discussions

There is no better time to have important discussion than when I am in a vehicle with D, on a highway trip.

On the way back from my sister's house yesterday we had 2 major discussions. The first being our IVF. After a meeting with the bank last week on something we have been working on for quite some time. This was a final meeting. At the meeting he discovered that there is a bunch of money leftover. enough money to do IVF now. We were trying to pick a date when we could save for it and havd lined up some other options but now we don't have to wait. So we decided that when we see Dr. L on October 7th, we will tell him that we are ready to get the ball rolling.

As I do research on the process and timeline of IVF I have meltdown after meltdown. It is all very overwhleming and just makes me realize how long I will have to wait. I am so sick of waiting and so ready to move on. I think the worst part lately is that I am really thinking about where I should be right now. My EDD is 1 week from today and dealing with that is pretty emotionally draining for me.
I recently read someone talking about girls on BOTB and how it is so stupid that they dwell on their miscarriages. This person called us dickheads, actually. Well I am a dickhead then. I am proud to be a dickhead. Maybe to other people my early miscarriage meant nothing, but for a short time I was pregnant and I was dreaming about a baby that I would be delivering and to me that baby was REAL and I loved that baby very very much. So call me whatever name you like, I don't care.

The other part of our discussion was the potential move to a different town. I am 100% ready to leave the town we are in, I have been for a while. Since I graduated from college and started my career, I knew it was wrong. I know there was something else meant for me but I didn't know what that thing was. One thing that I really loved doing was working in the Laboratory, taking blood samples from patients. I loved it. And now there is an opportunity coming up for me to be able to do this full time in a town that I have always wanted to live in.

D is not as enthusiastic. He is very afraid of change and he is very happy in the life that he lives. And I, of course, don't blame him. He has worked in his career for 8 years and has climbed the ladder to a full time job, he has seniority, benefits and loves what he does. He is afraid to move and start over. He actually used the words "career suicide" I quickly told him that he was not an old man thinking about making this change, he is (almost) 28 years old and has plenty of time to climb the ladder again.

So we will cross that bridge when we get to it and it will be a decision of whether or not we want to sell our house and move completely to the other city and D wouLd make the decision to come home for his shifts. Or if we want to keep this town as our main base and I would get an apartment and come home on the weekends. I am hoping that D will make the decision to come back for his shifts while he applies for a job in that city and waits.

Lots of big discussions made.

I am very anxious and excited to hear from the girl I interviewed with, she was awesome and I really felt great after the interview. I am anxious to get word about the full time job coming up. In my dreams she will call me and offer me the full time job that starts in January. It's fun to dream.