The rest of my day yesterday

Yes I love Dr. L. I reall really appreciated his care, compassion and honesty.

But yesterday was an overwhelming day. I tried to keep my emotions out of yesterday's blog post because I just wanted to give all of you dear people who have been so supportive of me, the facts. So today I want to talk a bit about my emotions.

I had convinced myself that at the very most Dr. L may suggest an IUI. I thought he might have some other meds to try first or some treatment I had never heard of. I did not expect him to tell us that our best chance will be IVF. I was shocked. The thought shocked me, the price shocked me. My initial reaction was that I would beg, borrow and steal to get the money and I would start the process immediately. D, on the other hand is a little more realistic. And while at the time it hurt to hear him say he thought that we should keep trying au naturel for a while and saved up money for the IVF, I know he made sense.

So I cried. I cried for D, who unfortunately fell in love with a broken woman, I cried for my strong desire to be a mother, a desire that I have always had. I cried for everyone who has had to deal with this. I cried for all of things I will be giving up in order to be able to afford an IVF cycle.

Yes, it is good news that we are moving forward and getting help and I am 90% on board with all of it but it was just so overwhleming and shocking that my head is spinning, absolutely spinning.

So yesterday I sent the "What IF" video to my sisters and my mom along with this blog post by dear, sweet Sulfa. I wanted to get them to understand how I feel daily, it is something that people just don't get. Especially my family, the fertiles myrtles.

Then last night I told my parents and we told D's parents about what Dr. L said and all of that. We had to really tell them more about our TTC. My parents knew mainly but nobody really knew how long it has been. I think that all had it in their heads that since I got pregnant once, it will happen again. They didn't know how long we had been trying for when I finally did get my BFP.

It was hard to divulge all of that information and I cried at my ILs. I cried because I was ashamed, sad and embarassed. It was really the first time that I had to come out of the closet to them. They had a basic idea of what is going on but not the full details. I felt stupid for crying but I couldn't hold it in. I think that FIL was embarassed that I was crying because he is not used to people showing emotions. SIL is made of stone and he is not really the comforting type.

I don't really know how to wrap this up. I guess I just needed to vent my emotions a bit.

One day at a time.

Oh yeah and also, according to my chart I am 14 DPO. I think it is wrong so I am ignoring it and I am oretty sure that I feel AF coming. Wouldn't it be some weird twist if I was pregnant?!?!?!?!? If on the day that I saw my RE, I actually had a little teenie tiny miracle in my ute? Not likely, but imagine?!!?!