I have a few things to talk about and am pretty sure that I will just ramble on so bear with me. And if you want, you can pick and choose which sections you want to read.
First: an update on Memere.
As mentioned on Monday, my memere was admitted to the ICU with a UTI, bowel obstruction, heart attack and vomiting and abdomen pain. Tests were done all week. Ultrasounds, bloodwork, CT Scans. Turns out she did NOT have a heart attack (great news) her bloodwork was all wacky from the other illnesses. She let her UTI get too bad before coming in and the infection messed with the rest of her body, badly. She finally stopped vomiting after a few days and is now keeping some food down. She might be able to go home today. ::sigh of relief::
Next: Heartbreaking sad news along with a preachy speech.
A second cousin of mine (more of an acquaintance/friend-ish person than a relative-our dads are cousins) passed away on Friday. She was only 28 years old and sadly, it was not a shock or a surprise. A few years back she was diagnosed with Stage 3 cervical cancer. They had to perform a hysterectomy. She continued on with life and even made plans for a surrogate with her sister for her to have children in the future. Then last year she started getting ill and tests were run. The cancer was back with a vengeance and had spread throughout her body. She had very intense chemotherapy and radiation (I am not sure how many rounds but more than 1). She tried experimental chemotherapy. She even got better for a little while. Her and her fiance decided to get married. They had a very small ceremony with plans to celebrate in a big way once she was healthier. But the cancer wouldn't let up. She fought an amazing fight. She never gave up once and even when the doctors didn't think she would last more than a couple of days, she fought back. But finally this week, she told her family that she couldn't fight anymore. And with her family by her side, she passed away.
So let this story be a lesson to you all. Pap tests are uncomfortable, they are not fun, they are intrusive and sometimes embarrassing but they are important to screen for serious diseases. I had abnormal pap tests a few years back, the abnormal cells were caught early, I had LEEP biopsy done and my paps have been normal ever since. Pap tests are an important screening tool. My sister has had several surgeries to get rid of her cervical cancer, something she would have never known about had it not been for routine pap tests.
Next on a much lighter note: retail therapy
For the past almost 3 years I have not really shopped. I always had it in my mind that I would be pregnant soon so I didn't want to waste money on clothes that might never fit me again and even if they did, they would be out of style by the time I got to wear them again. So I didn't shop. I bought the odd thing here and there. It got bad. My wardrobe was (and still is) very much lacking. So I decided to plan a shopping trip. And yesterday I did just that. I went with a plan of spending money, getting some clothes and replenishing my closet. I bought a few shirts, a jacket, a purse but no pants. I need pants in the worst way. So to complete my shopping trip I ordered 6 pairs of pants online this morning. Along with a couple more shirts. I like retail therapy.
And finally: My mood
As I said before, I am slowly getting better. It is strange how much different my emotions are this time around. I am almost void of emotions. For a while I couldn't feel anything but sadness. Sadness all the time. I couldn't smile, I couldn't even say I love you to D because I couldn't fathom the emotion of love. I was just sad and numb to everything else. Slowly I am able to smile again. I almost burst into tears at the hockey game last night because a couple was there with their new baby and everyone was fussing over him. I stayed far away and I don't like that I have that resent and jealousy but I am allowing myself to feel what I need to feel right now.
See? I told you. A Smorgasbord (and yes I googled to see how to spell that word)
No comments:
Post a Comment