Being unsure

I have been mulling over in my head for the past few days about our TTC plans. Do I want to go on and try for 2 more cycles before I see the RE? Would I rather just take it easy and wait until I see the RE?

The questions swirling around in my head. Here is my thought process. If we stop "trying" meaning I stop temping, we have sex when we feel like it and not when we have to.

• Am I wasting 2 cycles when I could maybe get pregnant?
• I am already worried about the RE laughing me out of the appointment so if I keep going for 2 more months then that will make it more visible that something is wrong (I know this makes no sense)
• Would I really be able to stop. Even if I don't temp, I will still be aware of what CD it is and be aware of my CM. So really... I woud have some idea.
• I want to keep temping because I want to be able to bring my charts to the RE and show him that yes, I do ovulate on my own.

And then if we do keep trying

• I am emotionally drained. Emotionally exhausted and I think I need a little break because depending on what happens with the RE, I might be on an even more emotional ride.
• Can I handle 2 more months of disappointment when AF shows in the emotional state that I am in?
• How can I stop trying? It's have been almost 2 years of this, it's like I don't know anything else.
• There is that glimmer of hope that maybe I will get pregnant and I can cancel the RE.

D & I talked about it. He is open to doing whatever I want to do though he did say he thinks I need an emotional break and he even suggested that I speak to someone because I am literally at a point where I cry whenever we talk about it. So today, I lay there naked after sex (it was about 10-15 minutes after sex) crying. D joked "It's not a good thing when you cry after I have sex with you" LOL. We came to no conclusions but I think for now I will keep temping, I will not stress myself out over when we need to have sex or not and if we do have sex on fertile days then great, if we don't that will be OK too because at least there is a plan to look forward to. It is not the end, we will see Dr. L in a month and we will have a plan from there.





Oh, and how do you like the new look? I like to play around with the new blogger templates. I might make seasonal changes, this one seemed kind of summery with the grass.