Most people would tell me to get the hell off of the baby boards and focus on things IRL. Truth is even though I am surrounded by pregnant women and women with babies online, it is easier to talk to them than people IRL. Most of those women can relate to me and if they can't personally relate, they know someone who has struggled. I don't have anyone IRL like that. Yes, my BFF dealt with a loss so we really leaned on each other through all of that but none of them get IF or T-TTC.
Yesterday my silver lining was knowing that I still had 2 more cycles before seeing the RE that we could TTC and hope for a miracle. But then we found out that D will most likely be OOT for my fertile window (I didn't tell him that, I support this trip he is going on and I don't want him to feel guilty about it) He is flying to Alberta to drive back to Ontario with his cousin who will be moving home.
New silver lining? 1 more cycle before the RE. We are busy in August so the RE appointment will get here sooner. If I don't have sex during my fertile window then I can't get upset when AF shows up.
Those are sorry silver linings but it's what I have to hold on to right now.
Also, I think I have diagnosed myself. Remember when I had my HSG and it took the doctor forever (20 minutes is forever in digging-in-my-vagina time) to get through my cervix due to scarring from my LEEP in 2008? I have decided that that is the problem. D's sperm, while they are many and strong, cannot get through the steel wall that my cervix has built in protest after being cut, scraped and maimed. I can't believe I never thought of that before. It is making this all the more clear to me to prepare myself to the thought of an IUI. What do you think of that thought???
A picture is worth a thousand words, right?
I think those thoughts are normal. All it takes is one though...one sperm of steel in armor to make your cervix his bitch. LOL
ReplyDeleteHugs.
I can see how staying away from the baby boards might seem like good advice to some people. But those boards are full of people who are willing to talk about their infertility-- unlike real life. And like you said, if those ladies don't have personal experience, then they at least are e-friends with someone who does. Those people are going to go up to bat for you when someone comes along and says something offensive about T-TTC. Who is going to do that in real life, you know?
ReplyDeleteYour attitude is *great*! LOL at "digging-in-my-vagina time"! Your doctor may very well be willing to start with IUI because of the cervical issue. I'm so excited for your appointment coming up. P.S. If your doctor laughs you out of his office then you tell him to shut his fucking face or you'll do it for him with the dildo cam. :)