A good chat

I am currently visiting my sister, BIL and niece and nephew. Tomorrow is the CIBC Run for the Cure. I will be running 5K tomorrow morning. I have raised $1340.00 in support of breast cancer research. I am pretty proud of that total, last year I raised $1010.00.

YAY ME!!!!

Anyway, so yesterday I was chatting with my sister about our T-TTC, about our upcoming appointment with Dr. L on Thursday and how we will start to set our IVF plan in motion. In our chats I mentioned to my sister about some very unsuportive things that our other sister has said to me. Just some odd things that have hurt me and made me feel like she either thinks I am faking my problems or that they are not as serious as they actually are.

Then I said that sometimes I feel like my mom feels the same way. My mom and I are not close. My mother had a hard childhood and in turn she has always been very closed off and unaffectionate. To this day, at 28 (almost 29) years of age, it is rare to hear my mother tell me she loves me and even then when she does, it is awkward.

By no means is she a terrible mother, she is just a closed off person and very harsh. It's just the way she is.

My oldest sister on the other hand has a very different relationship with my mom. They are very close, they always have been. They talk all the time. And my sister assured me that my mom is very torn abotu this whole thing. She said that she feels awful about it, she wants to give us money, she wants to ask me questions and help me.

But then, why doesn't she? I have been pushing myself to be more open about this whole thing. I have been so closed off and so silent for so long and now people feel like they need to walk on eggshells around me and I don't want that.

But it is what it is.

Maybe my mom will be able to come out of her shell with me soon and we can have a serious talk about what is happening. I opened the door for her and my dad. I told them that I am available to answer questions, I can help them to wrap their head around this. My entire family is a bunch of fertile myrtles so I think it is hard for them to wrap their heads around the whole thing. But I opened the door for them to approach me and just hope that if they have those questions that they take the step through the metaphorical door and ask me those questions.

So the chat with my sister was good. We talked about so much more than that but it was good to know that my mom's closed-offedness (is that a real word?) is not her not caring, it is her way of trying to be sensitive to me.

Funny how you spin things in your own head.