Day 2

and still no better.

I barely slept last night and when I did you will never guess what I dreamed about ???? The miscarriage!! What a shocker!

Yesterday I just kept asking D to wake me up... wake me up from this nightmare. Then at 5am when I woke up and felt the 2 pads I am wearing to line my underwear just in case of leakage and the insane cramps, I knew that the nightmare was real.

Then there was the glimmer of hope that maybe the bleeding had stopped and there is still a chance for our little apple seed. Nope, the bleeding is worse and heavy and excruciating. I just want someone to jab me with a needle and put me to sleep until it is all gone and I don't have to look at another drop of blood knowing that it could be part of my tiny baby. (I know it wasn't much of a baby and it was still just an embryo but it was OUR embryo and I loved it more than I could have ever imagined)

When I finally got tired of laying in darkness listening to D snore I got out of bed and checked my facebook. There was a message from my cousin expressing to me how excited she is for D and I and that her mom told her that I was pregnant and she couldn't keep it in any longer and had to congratulate us. OUCH.

I wrote her back saying thanks and explaining that I was miscarrying, I told her not to feel badly about writing the message because of course she didn't know. I think today I will ask my parents to notify the family members that we did share the news with. I don't feel like talking to anyone right now.


My heart is broken.